Humor: If you weren't using your gear for diving...

[TexasMike]

It's been a while since we've had a truly silly thread....

In fact, the 1yr anniversary of the Redneck Diver thread passed without my realizing it (7/7/2001).

So your challenge is......come up with some humurous ways to use your scuba gear for any purpose other than diving. Extra points awarded for extremly silly or "David Letterman-esque" entries.


Some starters:

• Stick your LP inflator hose up your hiney and turn it on to get that Hans and Frans "Pump You Up" look.
  
• Put on your wetsuit, booties, gloves, and go to the zoo with a bucket and toilet brush and announce you're here to clean the inside of their elephant.
  
• Wear your fully inflated drysuit to Halloween parties as the Michellen man.
  
• (For Natasha) Make your hubby wear your hood backwards while you laugh like Cruella DeVille and claim that you're the DomiScubaMatix.
  
• Wear a dark suit and dark glasses and then flash your PADI C-Card at the local sporting goods store and announce your from the Narc Squad and this is a bust.
  
• Get all the kids on the block to bet you that you can't lift a ton-and-a-half of air when it's contained in an AL80.
  
• Bring your spear gun to the local aquarium and ask the guy at the front desk if they allow target practice.

 

[Scubaroo]

Wear a full size wrist computer out in public, and pretend to speak into it like it's a wrist phone.

Put your backplate's crotch strap on your favorite North Face backpack and wear it on public transport. Then clip a jon-lin from the D-ring to the hand rail instead of holding onto the handrail, and lean back and enjoy the ride.

Use a cave reel to find your way back to your car at Wal Mart.

Fill a liftbag with helium for your kids party.

 

[kwesler]

Use your regs as bolos and bring down the neighbors dog...

use your split fins as a wind sock...

put on your mask full of water, complete with goldfish, and sit in the park with a silly grin on your face...

sit in the same park taking hits off your nitrox tank and giggle uncontrollably....

my final-put on all your gear any time you have to change a diaper

 

[Northeastwrecks]

Put on a drysuit with your rig and a full face mask. Walk around the neighborhood telling people to stay in their homes with the windows and doors closed, that its a really minor spill and as soon as they hear the all clear siren, they can start hosing off the outside of their houses and cars.

Insist on planning your descent with a Decoplanner everytime you descend in an elevator. When you get to your destination, announce how long you can stay on that floor. On the way back up, stop the elevator every few floors and clock the "hang time".

Wear a mask, fins and snorkel to the gym. Use them in the whirlpool.

Keep a hang bottle and regulator with you at all times. When you get in a long line, deploy the reg and start overbreathing it. Chances are good that you will move to the front of the line or, at least, be offered a nice chair to sit in while you wait.

Finally, for the wreck divers, bring your goodie bag to a restaurant. Bag up on china, silverware, etc... Leave quietly.

 

[Fishkiller]

dust collection device.....



though the thought of using the tank to blow up the air mattress..

how do you make a LP120 shrink?????

 

[O-ring]

Put your backplate's crotch strap on your favorite North Face backpack and wear it on public transport. Then clip a jon-lin from the D-ring to the hand rail instead of holding onto the handrail, and lean back and enjoy the ride.

I work in DC and take the Metro to work everyday...this actually isn't a bad idea and would make reading on my commute a little easier.

 

[Dee]

Mount a tank between the van's bucket seats. Don mask and breath off reg while driving through Stinkadena (Pasadena) Tx. Especially of going anywhere close to Washburn Tunnel.

It's a local thing!

 

[DiveTub]

Fishkiller once bubbled...
dust collection device.....



though the thought of using the tank to blow up the air mattress..

how do you make a LP120 shrink?????

Actually it works really well when we go on Dive camping trips we use a spare tank to blow up ours, also use it to fill the tires of the 4WD's after coming off the beach

 

[TCDiver1]

Take a pair of dive flags to the airport & act like your signaling planes to land in the parking lot

Use your snorkel as a straw to gulp down your favorite beverage
swearing it tastes better that way

Use your dive knife to eat a snickers bar ala Sienfeld (Mr Pitt)

Wear your mask & snorkel to the pet store and watch fish in the tank while faking to swim along

Put your pony bottle in a office desk drawer, crack the valve open & call maintenance to report a steam leak

Wear your hood in an elevator, when people start looking at you, tell them your doctor is making you wear it to control the lice infestation on your head

Wear your dive skin while showering at the gym after you work out

 

[Kat]

Bring your dive light to the Gentlemans Club...so you can get a better look.

Wear your wet suit in the sauna, at the health club. After they revive you, tell them your trying to lose 5 lbs.