Irishdiver
Contributor
This joke is sorta race-related, but I hope it's not in contravention of any of the rules. After all, we're all cousins in the British Isles... except when it comes to rugby and beer.
I suggest we introduce a mandatory disclaimer to be posted at the top of every joke to encourage sensitive people not to read anything that might cause their pulse rates to rise. Something along the lines of this...
MANDATORY DISCLAIMER: The following is meant to be a joke which is why it is posted in the 'humour' forum and is not to be taken literally. Do not try this at home. Do not proceed further if you are easily offended. Please note, I do not advocate breaking the no-alcohol laws in Muslim countries, smuggling, capital punishment, corporal punishment, or inflicting pain on others. I wish to state that it is my view that there are no such thing as good lawyers and no such thing as sheikhs who are not benevolent. I do not believe Irish men or English men cry easily. I do not believe that Scottish men are malicious.
An Irish rugby fan, a Scottish rugby fan and an English fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Irishman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Englishman was next up. After watching the Irishman, in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Englishmen was soon led away wimpering loudly (as they do).
The Scotsman was the last one up, but before he could say anything,
the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Scot replied. In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is
that you give me not 20 lashes but, 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? "Tie the Englishman to my back."
ut:
I suggest we introduce a mandatory disclaimer to be posted at the top of every joke to encourage sensitive people not to read anything that might cause their pulse rates to rise. Something along the lines of this...
MANDATORY DISCLAIMER: The following is meant to be a joke which is why it is posted in the 'humour' forum and is not to be taken literally. Do not try this at home. Do not proceed further if you are easily offended. Please note, I do not advocate breaking the no-alcohol laws in Muslim countries, smuggling, capital punishment, corporal punishment, or inflicting pain on others. I wish to state that it is my view that there are no such thing as good lawyers and no such thing as sheikhs who are not benevolent. I do not believe Irish men or English men cry easily. I do not believe that Scottish men are malicious.
An Irish rugby fan, a Scottish rugby fan and an English fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The Irishman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Englishman was next up. After watching the Irishman, in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Englishmen was soon led away wimpering loudly (as they do).
The Scotsman was the last one up, but before he could say anything,
the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Scot replied. In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is
that you give me not 20 lashes but, 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are
also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? "Tie the Englishman to my back."
ut:
