Heard at the State Police Barracks

[PaulChristenson]

A Vermont State Trooper pulled a car over on I-89 near Montpelier. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a juggler and he was on his way to Burlington to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the juggler was doing his act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car, and a drunk got out. He watched the performance briefly, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The Trooper observed him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the back door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my *** to jail, cause there's no way in hell I can pass that test."

 

[gypsyjim]

Love it. Hell I can't walk a line sober, if this was a test I'd never drive again!

 

[baltimoron]

Actually, I am quite the accomplished juggler. I can juggle canteloupes.

However, I have never tried it drunk before…

 

[partridge]

Heres the greatest DUI test. Check out the rest of the site.

http://www.big-boys.com/articles/duitest.html

 

[TwoTanks]

:lol3: :lol3: :lol3:

 

[Jaycee05]

Couple more in the same vein-

This guy calls his wife at work and says, "Don't worry I'm fine and the damage is minimal."
She says "Oh my gosh, what happened?"
He says, "I was coming back from lunch and a bird hit my windshield."
"How much damage did it do?" she asked.
"Minimal, however I did get a ticket."
"A ticket how did you get that?"
"Well I managed to reach the bird through the window and throw it behind me, however it hit the windshield of the car behind me. It was a highway patrol car and the officer gave me a ticket."
"What for?" she asked, "damaging his windshield?"
"No, flipping him the bird!"



A police officer was staking out a late nite bar, hoping to catch a few drunks and issue tickets. He watches one individual stagger out, weave toward the parking lot and try his key in almost every lock until he finds his car. After opening the door, he gets into the back seat and sits there looking very confused. A short time later, he gets out and gets into the front seat and fumbles for about 5 minutes trying to get the key into the ignition. The cop is loving this because he knows he's going to arrest a drunk tonight. Meantime, the other patrons of the bar come out one or two at a time and drive off.

Finally the drunk gets the car started and drives out of the parking lot. The cop immediately follows him out, turns on his lights and siren and pulls the guy over. He gets the guy out of his car, and gives him every drunk test he can think of. The "drunk" passes them all. The cop then admits that the guy is stone cold sober but asks him what he was doing with all the staggering, weaving, fumbling, etc. and the guy says...


"Tonite I was the designated Decoy"



As the sweet young thing was pulled over for speeding, she innocenly asked the highway patrolman if she could buy a couple of tickets to the Policeman's Ball instead of getting the ticket.

The answer ----



Wait for it.....
















The Highway Patrol doesn't have Balls.

 

[subaquaman]

:rofl:

brilliant

 

[Jaycee05]

Two men are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper.
The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls
down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.

The driver says, "What the heck was that for?"


The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When we pull you over, you better have
your license ready when we get to your car."


The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."


The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy
his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls his window down, and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him with
the nightstick, too.


The passenger says, "What did you do that for?"


The trooper says, "Just making your wish come true."


The passenger says, "Huh?"


The trooper says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish
that jerk would've tried that bull with me.'"

 

[billtodive]

I'm definately gonna use those...great!!