Having wife / girlfriend as dive buddy

[Mordred]

Hi all.

My usual dive buddy is my wife. I'm try to be very thorough with my equipment checks, etc. and as a result she is not. Some things she just won't check because she is used to me double-checking and fixing any equipment issues she might have. Another issue we have is if she has a problem, for example her mask is not confortable, she'll focus ALL her attention on the problem and forget about EVERYTHING else - sometimes this causes her to drift away from the buoy line, or she might be negative buoyant and sink while she is fiddling with her mask - making me rush down and frantically try to inflate her BC.

When I dive with her I struggle to keep my air consumption low - without her I don't have any issues at all. My instructor remarked that since I worry so much about her all the time it causes me to use more air.

How can I handle these issues diplomatically without insulting her or coming over too strong? My worry is that she has a false sense of security when I'm around which I don't want her to have - she must be responsible for her own safety as well. I worry about her diving without me because an unknown dive buddy won't go out of their way to accomodate her. She struggled to get comforable in the water, she is doing fine now so I don't want to put too much pressure on her.

How do you guys experience having your wife / gf as a dive buddy - similar issues or am I alone here?

Thanks in advance for any advice

 

[JeffG]

Good luck

 

[Avic7]

Take her to watch OpenWater (movie) and point out how the couple worked well together. Long shot. It out on video.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!

 

[alcina]

MAKE her be responsible. Don't do it for her. Have her set up all her own gear - simply busy yourself doing something else. Your buddy check will catch any errors - and make her lead the buddy check.

She isn't going to like the change in style - you've been doing it all for her so that is what diving is to her.

Don't babysit...if she gets tunnel vision, let her fix the problem, she'll never learn if she knows you will come to the rescue on any little thing.

Talk to her about keeping awareness up even when she is doing something else. She needs to accept that diving isn't a single task.

Like I said, she ain't gonna like it but she's got to accept the responsibilities that come with diving...or you have to cut the cord and find new buddies.

Get on a course - rescue is great. Stay away from her on the course and buddy with other people.

 

[Serenity]

Maybe you could both take some advanced or specialty scuba courses? Maybe you can also privately tell the instructor of your concerns, and ask that you two be paired up with other people as dive buddies. That way your wife won't have you as a crutch, and yet you won't have to be the bad guy to have to tell her to be a self-sufficient diver. Plus you'll both learn more skills...

Oops, just read the previous post, yes rescue classes are great. Or a buoyancy skills class.

Serenity

 

[ScubaDadMiami]

I'd go along with Alcina here. Also, make her the dive leader. Let her screw up a bunch of times as leader and only intervene if her action/inaction could be dangerous. She will start to use the brain muscles you have been using for her up to now. On the other hand, if you suspect that she doesn't even realize what she is missing, take some advanced training together.

Once she has the awareness, encourage her to evaluate herself after every outing with a goal of reaching "perfect" performance throughout the dive experience (predive, the dive, post dive). Make it rewarding for her to want to do it; don't punish her when she doesn't. She'll come around.

 

[wedivebc]

How do you guys experience having your wife / gf as a dive buddy - similar issues or am I alone here?

Thanks in advance for any advice

For safety reasons I don't take my wife and my girlfriend on the same dive

 

[Mordred]

Thanks for all the good advice.

I think a rescue course is a very good idea!

 

[Mordred]

For safety reasons I don't take my wife and my girlfriend on the same dive

I'll take that into consideration!

That might explain who closed my pillar valve and swam away!!

 

[nessum]

Have her buddy up with someone else for a dive... so that she can't simply rely on you to fix her problems. She's a diver too, she needs to take responsibility for herself & her buddy.