Peter,
You bring up an EXCELLENT point here. One which my instructor was able to bring home nicely as I asked if I could essentially "audit" Adv. Nitrox. Though I was only able to recieve a basic Nitrox card, I did the FULL Adv. Nitrox course. In the classroom, everything was great. During the pool sessions (5 in all) things got a bit pear shaped, but I struggled through it and learned. And my buoyancy took a leap. However, when we got to the last 2 of the 4 dives, the "equipment overload" was full tilt. As you say, the carrying of the gear had basically stunted my ability to focus on what was basic. So for my last dive, I shed the stage, and just focused on the DIVE. What a lovely experience that was.
I'll be taking DIRF. I know my diving skills will not allow me to pass the course. That's fine. But, what I have done, is to start out with the Hog rig as close to DIR as I could get it. However, I have no primary light yet. I have only one backup light. I did most of my diving to this point in a single tank. Trying to simplify things, and as I got more comfortable, adding them. I see no reason to wear 3 lights in open water as a new diver. I see no reason to dive doubles as a new diver, unless you are just trying to learn, or you have some environmental issues which make it necessary.
My primary reason for taking DIRF is to be introduced to the situational awareness, the buddy skills, and as a formal introduction to the skills requisite to the diving I hope to do in the future. Unlike your wife, I don't have a dive buddy with the kind of experience you have. I have been fortunate to find 2 fairly experienced OW divers with whom I feel comfortable with, and diving with them has made me better. I am also lucky enough to have an instructor who will dive with me anytime our schedules allow.
I feel a bit for Lynne as it appears she is similar to me in that she is task oriented. Unless I am reading her wrong, it appears that she is approaching learning her skills, as a goal unto itself, and not seeing the diving picture as a whole. I have the same problem. I get very task focused. For some time, I was really worried that I couldn't unclip and clip my SPG. I worked on it in the pool.. struggled with it. Last weekend as I was swimming behind a turtle I wanted to check my gas, and it just happened as naturally as you please. Unclip, glance down, head up, re-clip. No muss no fuss. The difference was that I was focused on DIVING, and not the skill.
I hope the two of you can find a happy medium here. Where you can just get together in the water, do a FUN dive, and have her not worry about the skills or buoyancy, or trim, or anything else. Just dive. And smile. Worked great for me.
Great thread.