SadiesMom,
True enough in general.
However I would ask them for their reasons in the case of something like doffing gear prior to exiting the water. If they had a solid reason, I would accept that (and go with the flow). If they are just making an offer, or trying to make things easier for divers that have difficulty moving in gear, then I would ask permission to do it my way. (Note that I did not say that I would ignore them)
I have been on boats where they have offered or even suggested that people could remove their BCs before climbing aboard. I prefer to climb up with full gear intact, and I can do so without endangering the crew or the other divers. With the exception of one dive on my very first trip to Cozumel (when I did something really stupid) I have never had any issues from my choice to climb in wearing gear. I have had issues on several occasions when someone tried to help me (unasked) and they caused problems.
If the crew is willing to have me hand up my camera, and I want to hand up my camera, I should be able to do that. If I prefer to keep my camera attached as I board the boat, and I am not endangering anyone, I should be allowed to board with my camera clipped to me. The problem arises when I am trying to get on board and someone starts to try to unclip my camera and pull it away from me. I had that happen in Bonaire 8 days ago. They did not know what to unclip, and they did not know that I had two separate attachements. Their heart was in the right place, but they were messing with things that they had no business messing with. I was yanked around a bit as they tried repeatedly to pull a still-attached camera from me, and I was blocked from returning to my seat. In addition, I was forced to re-clip my coiled lanyard to keep the camera from banging around before I was able to move. It was not a huge deal, but a good example of what my mother taught me "make sure your help is wanted before you give it".
I have also had some small issues with people that are overly anxious to "help" with fins at the ladder. I lost a fin strap and my buddy lost a fin (on separate occasions) because someone forced their "help" upon us without asking or being asked.
Your example is a valid one, but not having been there I can't address it directly. I am not sure that a geared up diver climbing aboard a boat would upset the balance any worse than a crew member reaching over the side to hoist a fully weighted BC. Of course I am simply visualizing.
In general, the recommendation to abide by the requests of the crew and captain is a good suggestion.
[Final comment deleted]
Wristshot