Irishdiver
Contributor
The following quotes are, apparently, lifted directly from the exam papers of leaving certificate students in Ireland. I can't vouch for their provenance but they're funny!
Ah, the youth of today - the leaders of tomorrow. Really inspires
confidence.
* Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
*His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a tumble dryer.
*The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
* McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled
with vegetable soup.
* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
*Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre
* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
* He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.
* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cork at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Dublin at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
* The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the
Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
* The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet
of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
* The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
* Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
* The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the
interview portion of Family Fortunes.
* Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
* The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work.
* The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.
* Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on
31p-a-pint night.
* He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a
real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.
* Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell
butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.
* It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had
ever seen before.
* The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
* The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.
* The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric
fan set on medium.
* It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with their power tools.
* He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if she were a dustcart reversing.
* She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
* She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature British beef.
* She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
* Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation
thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
* It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to
the wall.
:bonk:
Ah, the youth of today - the leaders of tomorrow. Really inspires
confidence.
* Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
*His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a tumble dryer.
*The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
* McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled
with vegetable soup.
* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
*Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre
* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
* He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry them in hot grease.
* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cork at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Dublin at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
* The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the
Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.
* The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet
of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
* The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
* Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
* The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the
interview portion of Family Fortunes.
* Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
* The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work.
* The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.
* Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on
31p-a-pint night.
* He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a
real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.
* Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell
butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.
* It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had
ever seen before.
* The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
* The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.
* The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric
fan set on medium.
* It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with their power tools.
* He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if she were a dustcart reversing.
* She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
* She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature British beef.
* She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
* Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation
thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
* It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to
the wall.
:bonk:
