Dumb things people have said

[CathyI8205]

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever. -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana....The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. --Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued... Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1,1976. -- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid

The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this century's history....We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century. -- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican vice-presidential candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion of the Holocaust

Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself. -- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"

the streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe. -- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted. -- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post. -- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing. -- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

 

[miketsp]

From a diver recently stepping onto a boat:
"How far above sea level are we?" Duh....

 

[WileEDiver]

"With teletype interface and the FORTRAN language, the computer will be easy to use."
--Scientists from the RAND Corporation

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
--Ken Olson, Digital Equipment Corp (DEC)

"Things are more like they are now then they ever were before."
--Dwight David Eisenhower

"I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce."
--J. Edgar Hoover

 

[CathyI8205]

WileEDiver, I'm going to have to add these to my list!

 

[Firebrand]

As seen on a sign at a train station: "Beware! To touch these wires is INSTANT DEATH! Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted!"

 

[salty]

" The wrecks we dive are deep, cold, and have very limited visability. So we dive air because mix would just complicate things"

Heard from a speaker at a recent scuba trade show during a lecture.