jk47:
SO the poundage of lift is just offsetting tank +weights? Or more? I mean I obviously weigh more than 30 pounds so it's not supporting my whole body weight, but it's lifting more than just the gear... is there just some complex mathematical formula to do the 'conversion'? Obviously in practice it seems like there's a pretty easy rule of thumb.
Do you mean offset on the surface or underwater? On the surface, you are correct (aided by the 7 mil and body fat). Underwater, a BC really only offsets westuit compression and tank weight, which are greatest (most negative) at the beginning of a multilevel dive.
Assuming you are perfectly neutral, you really shouldn't need a BC underwater, right? But the equation changes when your suit compresses, you are no longer, neutral, but negative, so you have to offset that. You are also negative because the air in the tank, so you need to offset that. Neither of those is very great (say maybe 6# for a steel 80 and 10 # positive for a 7 mil, that's a rough guesstimate - edit - Don's probably right, noit sure a 7 mil is 25 #, but let's go with 20). So a theoretical 26# wing would be in the area of the minimum range to offset the weight and get you to the surface if you had an emergency at the beginning of a dive. Of course, that wouldn't work practically if once you get there you can't float. You'd also want a bit of a safety margin over that.
To answer the questions above - recreational diving, typically 7mm suit, steel backplate, aluminum or steel 80 single tank (24lbs weight with the alumnium 80 and no backplate). My LDS suggested a 45 lb wing for me (or maybe she said 40) as opposed to 35. I weigh about 170 - does this seem like a pretty big wing? I don't want to have a huge non-hydrodynamic silhouette.
Yup, a 45 is a big wing for singles and is also typical of a lot of dive shops that don't really know how wings even work. They probably said, "well, you wear 24# + BP plus tank, that's 36#, you need a 40#". But how much your rig weighs on land has zip to do with the amount of lift needed. All they think is more is better. But as you've said, creates a horrible drag in the water (not to mention the stuck inflator issue I mentioned earlier).
A 40 is still on the high end.
How much it weighs in the water, with you in it, does make a difference since you want to float. Your 7 mil and your body provide additional buoyancy so you don't necessarily take into account the gross weight.
I am 6'2", 240#, 7 mil suit, steel 80, steel backplate, 4# weightbelt, I use a 36 and it's plenty.
Hope some of that made sense