At what point do you leave your buddy?

[b1gcountry]

An interesting thing happened to me on my recent trip to Bonaire. I organized the trip for 15 people, and the second night, I decided to do a night dive. I was planning on a solo dive, but one of the other divers on the trip decides to buddy up with me, and we leave with three other divers, all from our group. I did a very brief plan with my buddy, and just outline to keep it shallow, and go slow. We get into the water first, and start checking out below the dock. I have a hard time getting his attention to point out the octopus, and Lobster I'm trying to show him. We then start towards the drop off at the same time as the other three from our group. My buddy hurries up to catch up to the other group of three divers. It soon becomes apparent that 1. My buddy is not paying too much attention to me, and instead is diving with the group; 2. The group is diving much deeper than I had intended.

I made a couple attempts to get him to ascend to around 40' before dropping down to 69', touching him on the arm, and giving the ascend signal. At this point, I ascended to about 45', and waited for him, but he continued on with the group, which contained a Divemaster friend of mine. I figured they were safe enough, and went and had a great dive by myself. Nothing bad happened.

After the dive, I had the chance to talk to the other diver, and he didn't realize that I was trying to get him to ascend. He had a hard time telling who I was compared to the other divers, and didn't mean to be so deep, but was just following everyone else.

Part of this was my fault as well for not going into much in terms of reviewing signals with the other diver, since we hadn't dove together before. Anyway, we dove together later on in the week during the day, and didn't have any issues. I think he was just a little uncomfortable with the night dive, and wanted some security in numbers.

Normally, I would not consider myself the type of person who would ever leave his buddy, but given this situation, I think I made the right choice. I had made a lot of dives that day, and did not want to chance a deep night dive. Seeing how responsive he was to me during the first part of the dive told me he was not going to be much help to me if something did indeed happen.

Tom

PS, Not much of a question here, just food for thought....

 

[TSandM]

It's a good question, Tom. Did you guys discuss a hard deck, or just leave it vaguely "not too deep"? We almost always have a hard deck on our dives -- Sometimes it's almost ridiculous to discuss it, like the Edmonds Underwater Park, where you can reach 40 feet on a high tide with a shovel, but it's always at least mentioned. If my buddy violated the hard deck for the dive, I'd try to get his attention to come back up, and if he went on, I might abort the dive (I won't dive solo). It would depend on whether the hard deck was arbitrary, or whether there was a good reason for it (like nitrogen loading from the day's earlier diving).

I can feel for your buddy. I've had multiple episodes where I've gotten confused at night, and been unsure who I came to the party with. I've never stayed with the wrong folks for very long, though. And I certainly would never have violated the hard deck for the dive -- That would have been a powerful "heads up" that I was with the wrong people.

When I get in the water, I've made a contract with my teammates that I will stay with them and be available for assistance. Considering the situations under which I would break that contract is a good mental exercise.

 

[Thalassamania]

I would never leave my buddy. But once you thumb the dive (and that is clearly communicated to your "buddy") you are cleared to depart to the surface (or your first stop). At that point they are abandoning you.

 

[vladimir]

A lot of vacation divers are so used to following the divemaster on led dives that they almost instinctively pack together. Is your buddy used to diving independently?

 

[DiverBizz]

On my first night dive (AOW class) ever I was assigned a buddy at the last minute, we had a group of six divers. My original buddy had equipment failure on the surface and had to abort the planned dive. I followed my newly assigned buddy down and tried to keep up with her wow she was a much faster swimmer than I. She had a bright pink tank and green light attached so it should have been easy to see when she was close. I lost her in the kelp but found her seconds, and I mean seconds, later. She did not even act as though I was there. She followed another diver and ascended, which I followed her. When I got back to the steps and headed to our area she turned to me and to my surprise it was not the same diver I was assigned to, she had the same kind of tank and light. I found out my buddy got near the kelp and decided to ascend and wait for the group. Hmmm, I guess I needed to watch better but it was my first night dive *10th overall dive* and I thought I really was watching my buddy with the pink tank. I know I should have done things differently now but back then I tried my best.

 

[dumpsterDiver]

I hate dives like that. You are responsible for him, but you ditched him. If he was found dead later, you would feel really bad, I suppose. I prefer to dive alone; second choice is with a buddy that I am pretty sure will stay with me.

I have ditched people that wouldn't follow the game plan, if I felt it was not too dangerous for them, but I really dislike doing it. One solution to diving with idiots is to say "I am the leader, you follow me, if you want to go somewhere, then signal me, but I will lead the entire dive".

If the diver agrees to this and he ditches you, well then it probably wasn't because of miscommunication. A follower and a leader, is very important in my opinion, especially for loosely formed buddy teams.

 

[ItsBruce]

When I read the title of the thread, my reaction was that I'd write that for beach dives I split from my buddy only after the gear is stowed and we are in our own cars and on boat dives only after the boat reaches the dock. However, that was before I got the details of the OP. Now, I have to give the whole thing some more thought. My initial reaction is that even if my buddy abandons the dive plan, I'll stick with him or her until such time as I cannot safely do so due to air, depth, deco, lack of a buddy upon whom I could count in the event I had a problem or some other similar factor or until I thumb the dive. Then, once on shore, I'll thump him, but good for abandoning the plan. Of course, as I think about the issue more, my views may change.

 

[hudson]

I'd grab hold of my buddy and if he doesn't return a clear confirmation of my signals, I'd make myself clear using wetnotes. If he still takes off after that, it's his problem, I'm out.

In practice, however, if I'm actually diving with someone even newer than me (as it happens) then I'll probably stick with him till the end of the dive (assuming I couldn't get him to abort the dive)

 

[tstormdiver]

Wow. Well, I have certainly lost my buddy a time or 2 here & there, as the quarries I dive in can be quite murky at times & with the normal chill of the water everyone wears black wet suits & mostly black drysuits, so it can make it tough to stay with your group &/or buddy. I've been known, when 2 groups pass through each other, to wind up going with the wrong group. Just a case of mistaken identity. I usually figure it out pretty quick though & regroup, either on the surface or catch up with them. The group I normally dive with have decided, after numerous separations (at least it was always in the quarry), to form buddy pairs within the group, unless there's an odd number, in which case there is one team of 3. We make sure to cover the procedure of look for 1 min. & then surface. Our group will also usually split into 2 groups one group stays in the shallow end of the quarry (usually beginners or those who don't want, or don't have the gear to dive the colder, deeper end). The shallower group usually uses land marks in the quarry to mark how deep they will go, such as "we'll go no further than the telephone booth (at 45')". The deeper group also sets a path using landmarks to determine their dives (go to the sailboat (90') then to the rock pile (110')...... & so on). I have only abandoned my buddy (there was no group at the time) one time. It was to be a simple deep dive to look at the attractions with a max depth of 100'. Whether this makes me a bad buddy or not, is in the eye of the beholder; I did what I felt I had to do, to ensure my safety. Perhaps we should have had covered the plan of what we would actually be doing down there in more detail. We dropped down & started the dive. My buddy decided at that time to start penetrating some of the cabin cruisers & such down there. We were both AOW divers with deep, but not wreck experience. I was not at all comfortable with the idea of entering an overhead environment at such depths & so would just hang outside of the attraction & wait. Well, as my air started to get low, I started signaling my buddy, but he decided to ignore me. When my air supply reached a level where I needed to start an ascent to be able to surface with right at 500psi . I signaled my buddy again that it was time to end the dive. Once again he ignored me & continued to go inside the attractions (he had a pony bottle, I did not). I went ahead & began my ascent & when he finally surfaced I asked him what was the deal down there. He claimed that because he had the pony that he wanted to push the limits of his dive (obviously we should have also discussed at what pressure to begin to ascend). He also let me know at that point that he was teaching himself solo diving & that he figured I'd be OK if I went ahead & ascended before him. So in effect I was basically just a buddy to let him get into the water (the quarry will only let certified solo divers dive solo) & all others must have buddies to enter. In that case I feel I was justified in going ahead to begin my ascent when he ignored my signals to end the dive. Needless to say, I will no longer dive with this diver as he wants to be a self- taught solo diver & how he finds a way to get into the water (finding a buddy) is his problem. Besides this episode, I have seen multiple things this diver has done that I would consider dangerous considering his training (we go through the same shop, so I'm aware of his skill level). I will also quietly warn new divers to the quarry about him & his general M.O. Unfortunately this is a character that if he doesn't wind up killing himself, he'll probably wind up killing someone else. Case in point, after diving a rebreather only 1 time, he offered to teach me how to use a rebreather. Of course, I know my limits & I'm no where near ready for something like that. I will only take larger steps like that under the watchful eye of my instructor, who is qualified to teach such things. Was I a bad buddy with this guy? I don't feel like I was, but then many will come to their own conclusions.

 

[jupitermermaid]

An interesting thing happened to me on my recent trip to Bonaire. I organized the trip for 15 people, and the second night, I decided to do a night dive. I was planning on a solo dive, but one of the other divers on the trip decides to buddy up with me, and we leave with three other divers, all from our group. I did a very brief plan with my buddy, and just outline to keep it shallow, and go slow. We get into the water first, and start checking out below the dock. I have a hard time getting his attention to point out the octopus, and Lobster I'm trying to show him. We then start towards the drop off at the same time as the other three from our group. My buddy hurries up to catch up to the other group of three divers. It soon becomes apparent that 1. My buddy is not paying too much attention to me, and instead is diving with the group; 2. The group is diving much deeper than I had intended.

I made a couple attempts to get him to ascend to around 40' before dropping down to 69', touching him on the arm, and giving the ascend signal. At this point, I ascended to about 45', and waited for him, but he continued on with the group, which contained a Divemaster friend of mine. I figured they were safe enough, and went and had a great dive by myself. Nothing bad happened.

After the dive, I had the chance to talk to the other diver, and he didn't realize that I was trying to get him to ascend. He had a hard time telling who I was compared to the other divers, and didn't mean to be so deep, but was just following everyone else.

Part of this was my fault as well for not going into much in terms of reviewing signals with the other diver, since we hadn't dove together before. Anyway, we dove together later on in the week during the day, and didn't have any issues. I think he was just a little uncomfortable with the night dive, and wanted some security in numbers.

Normally, I would not consider myself the type of person who would ever leave his buddy, but given this situation, I think I made the right choice. I had made a lot of dives that day, and did not want to chance a deep night dive. Seeing how responsive he was to me during the first part of the dive told me he was not going to be much help to me if something did indeed happen.

Tom

PS, Not much of a question here, just food for thought....

Tom,
It sounds to me more like you're buddy abandoned you than you abandoning your buddy. He clearly didn't understand your signals, so that causes me to believe he's a fairly new diver. It sounds like he was nervous and felt safer with a larger group with more light. If you didn't have any problems with him the rest of the week, he probably wasn't ignoring the original plan on the night dive, but trying to find a comfort level by being with more people. Lesson to be learned? On any dive with a new buddy, make sure both know the signals that will be used so communication will be understood by all parties. Diving with a new buddy for the first time with a night dive can be tricky at best. Maybe have something unique on and flash a light on it when you want to let him know that it's you when you try to communicate something to him? Just a thought.