Stoo
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I'm a big guy myself and need about 22lbs of lead with my drysuit and cold water thermals and a steel tank.
I deal with with it by having a steel tank, using a back plate and wing (the backplate weighs 8lbs) I use a dui weight and trim harness for some weight. It doesn't squeeze because you don't have to have the belt that tight since it is a harness. I also have xs scuba pouches on my top cam band where I can put some of the weight to balance out. I only have to carry 14lbs of lead because of the backplate.
as for putting the lead under the suit I wouldn't so it. I would worry about falling in the water without your rig on and not being able to float.
This is all solid advice IHMO.