Why Leave a Buddy?

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A word of caution, assuming your profile of 0-24 dives is correct: Being too quick to say the buddy system goes out the window gets pretty close to being an irresponsible diver yourself. I'd certainly opt to not dive with someone who seemed like they'd bail on me at the first sign of trouble.

Correct. I was referring to irresponsible actions leading to danger and threat to my life. I agree that irresponsible is too vague a term. Thanks for clarifying.

I would hope that the most egregious issues can be resolved through communication during the dive planning.

My goal is to be a safe and responsible diver. I would like to dive with the same. I believe in leading by example and will seek out more experienced divers that set good examples.


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My goal is to be a safe and responsible diver. I would like to dive with the same. I believe in leading by example and will seek out more experienced divers that set good examples.

Like I said earlier, you can talk until you're blue in the face and everybody nodded agreement, but you're not going to find out how they really dive until you and them hit the water.
 
Those who have to make that horrible decision have to live with it the rest of their lives. In extreme cases one fatality is better than two but it is easier said than done!

After an event that "opened my eyes" to the importance of being on the alert for red flags when diving with a new buddy (and feeling no shame about demurely refusing to dive with certain people), I realized that my end motivation is simple:

I want to be well prepared not only for my own safety, but also for the ability to assist to the best of my ability should my assistance ever be needed. I wouldn't ever, EVER want to realize that another person might be alive today if only I'd done [insert one small basic thing here].

When things go seriously wrong, I can handle that. When someone else makes bad decisions that takes their fate out of my reach, I have no problems with that. But if I can honestly evaluate a situation and see that I failed... that's some heavy stuff, and I'd rather work hard and be prepared to avoid it than learn the hard way.

And while I of course "care more" about a close loved one, I would extend a similar concern to an instabuddy because I believe any diver's life is more important than any one dive.
 
Many people complain that their buddy did not stay with them,:confused: but why did they not stay with their buddy. you do not have a buddy, you are a buddy.

One should be designated the dive leader who leads the dive. The other should follow but not blindly so. Both should be cognizance of the dive plans and each other's needs. If my buddy were to want to change the dive plan and go down to 150-ft? I'm sorry, but I am not going down there with my "buddy".

What is your buddy going to do when they have a problem? if you have left them maybe drown, do you really want that on your conscience with only your good reason why you left them to defend yourself at night before bed?

Then they should have stuck to the dive plan AND me. If they were stupid or uncaring enough to deviate from the dive plan and ran out of air or narced out of their minds then panicked & killed themselves...well, that's too bad. I seriously doubt that I would lose much sleep over it. Diver's safety goes both ways. If you are courteous enough to think about my safety, then I'll be courteous enough to think about your safety. I will not partake into doing anything that would expose me to undued dangers. Pushing for bottom time past our agreed return time/air pressure, pushing past agreed upon depth, impromtu penetrations...sorry, Charlie, but you're on your own.
 
I would hope that the most egregious issues can be resolved through communication during the dive planning.

They can't.

The person who left me in a lurch had agreed to all the points I trotted out in a site plan/brief. And she deviated from the plan without indication as to her intent to do so, much less a reason why. (I called a dive [2nd dive of the day and conditions were deteriorating] after a rough surface swim in wind/chop/current to the drop point when I got a killer leg cramp in calf/thigh, and was headed toward a rough surface exit as a result.)
 
One should be designated the dive leader who leads the dive. The other should follow but not blindly so. Both should be cognizance of the dive plans and each other's needs. If my buddy were to want to change the dive plan and go down to 150-ft? I'm sorry, but I am not going down there with my "buddy".
@fnfalman: I understand your point...but I think the decision to wave goodbye to an insta-buddy deviating from the dive plan might not always be so clear-cut. For the sake of furthering the discussion, would your response change if you knew that your buddy did not willfully intend to descend to a depth of 150+ fsw? For example, imagine a scenario in which a diver has his/her LP inflater hose pop off of the BCD power inflater. With equipment malfunctions of this nature, I've seen newbie divers "freeze" (no kicking, no actions to rectify the situation). At that point, an attentive buddy within arm's reach would be in a position to intercede. Passive panic can certainly manifest like this. If the dive plan called for an operating depth of 100 fsw or so, it's certainly possible that narcosis played a role in the buddy going substantially deeper.

Just something for all of us to think about...
 
@fnfalman: I understand your point...but I think the decision to wave goodbye to an insta-buddy deviating from the dive plan might not always be so clear-cut. For the sake of furthering the discussion, would your response change if you knew that your buddy did not willfully intend to descend to a depth of 150+ fsw? For example, imagine a scenario in which a diver has his/her LP inflater hose pop off of the BCD power inflater. With equipment malfunctions of this nature, I've seen newbie divers "freeze" (no kicking, no actions to rectify the situation). At that point, an attentive buddy within arm's reach would be in a position to intercede. Passive panic can certainly manifest like this. If the dive plan called for an operating depth of 100 fsw or so, it's certainly possible that narcosis played a role in the buddy going substantially deeper.

Just something for all of us to think about...

So did the buddy not see that they were having equipment trouble? Even if you are the lead diver you do have to check behind you/next to you frequently. I would think if I saw that I would grab hold and assist if necessary.

Kind of like diving with a dive flag- making sure your buddy isn't tangled up in the line or the line is tangled up in milfoil.
 
I am actually guilty of doing this today on a lobster dive... yet we were in about 25ft of water on a very shallow reef but the current was a bit strong. My dive buddy (gf) and I has just bagged a lobster which had put up a struggle when we were putting it in the bag. In all this commotion I dropped my new dive light and tickle stick and the current had moved us quite a bit as we were attempting at getting the lobster in the bag. when we did I realized I dropped my stuff and motioned for her to stay while I go back to look for everything. at this point I swim back the direction we seemed to have come from. a few seconds later she was behind me with a pissed off look. this was towards the end of the dive so we just ascended. she wasnt too happy....

Well basically this was completely my fault and I learned my lesson. I should have just motioned for her to come with me to look for my gear but caught up in everything I was just thinking clearly. even though it was a shallow dive it is very easily to get separated especially with a current. Lesson learned.... always stick with your buddy
I never got my stuff back either heh
 
With regards to buddies sometimes something as small as someone noticing a tow flag
line snagged on your fin and unlooping it for you speaks volumes for their attention
to the situation and also their consideration. With insta-buddies start out expecting
very little and be happy when and if they prove you wrong. If it becomes obvious
that a buddy has only himself or herself in mind and begins to dive in a way you believe
is endangering you, it is time to adjust your plan in a way that would put your safe
return as your new priority. Inexperience can make this choice more difficult and
I feel for the new divers that kind of know something is not quite right but they are not
sure what to do about it. After diving a bit you will know when someone is just unaware
or they are just self-absorbed divers.
 
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