When is it ok to leave a buddy?

[Blasto]

I'm not expecting to have to do this... but then again, if my dive buddy starts hauling ass in a different direction than the dive master and the rest of the group, I'd feel pretty torn about following him or her.

By the book, you have two options: follow your buddy or ascend immediately and end the dive.

In practice, there's also the option of following the DM as if they were your buddy, but it should only be done if your assigned buddy has a RAS on them, which brings the question of why you've buddied up in the first place. Otherwise, you're supposed to stay with your buddy and drag them to the surface if you have to, unless it puts your own life in danger.

Rec diving uses the buddy system as a backup air source, so it's not an option or a mere convenience. It's not necessarily a good decision, but it is what it is. More diving and more dive training can help you form your own opinion and consider other systems (solo and team diving).

 

[KeithG]

NEVER leave your buddy. NOT even to collect shells or grab lobsters (happened to me as a newbie).

Generally you need to make sure you have securely anchored the body and positively note the location. Otherwise you may miss out on the recovery reward money...

On a more serious note, are you really more worried about your buddy leaving you?

One very clear piece of information to establish as part of the dive plan: are we going to follow the DM cluster or are we diving as a buddy pair all on our own? These are very different situations.

My regular divebuddy and I NEVER follow the DM cluster dive. So losing my buddy means search for a minute and then surface. This has never happened. I do not expect it to ever happen.

On a recent trip She sat out a few dives and I was forced to "buddy up" with other divers. My new buddies (it was a noob couple) wanted to follow the DM. Since this was warm water Caribbean dives, anyone within 100 feet was within sight. So no one ever "lost" their buddy. Most buddys in the cluster were too far away to be a proper buddy.

This was an example of a DM led dive enabling complacency which led to a complete breakdown of the buddy system.

 

[Altamira]

Then rephrase OP's question as "when is it okay to accept that your buddy has left or is leaving you?" There are plenty of situations when the risk posed by continuing to follow a buddy into a dangerous situation is unjustifiable.

I think that last sentence depends on who is your buddy. The lengths to which I would go to protect/save my wife, family member, or someone I have a very close bond with is far different than the risk I would likely take for an insta-buddy or acquaintance. For me, putting my own life at risk trying to save someone in the first category goes well beyond my personal stop/no go line for folks in the second category. Yes, I have heard all of the mantras about don't put yourself in the position of possibly being a second victim, but I am retired military, and most of us have a different viewpoint on what we are willing to risk for family and those we love. For me, it is a mindset, and it is not negotiable. Life demonstrates many people can do what seems impossible to others, and the risks assumed to help others is a very personal choice.

 

[TMHeimer]

Generally you need to make sure you have securely anchored the body and positively note the location. Otherwise you may miss out on the recovery reward money...

On a more serious note, are you really more worried about your buddy leaving you?

One very clear piece of information to establish as part of the dive plan: are we going to follow the DM cluster or are we diving as a buddy pair all on our own? These are very different situations.

My regular divebuddy and I NEVER follow the DM cluster dive. So losing my buddy means search for a minute and then surface. This has never happened. I do not expect it to ever happen.

On a recent trip She sat out a few dives and I was forced to "buddy up" with other divers. My new buddies (it was a noob couple) wanted to follow the DM. Since this was warm water Caribbean dives, anyone within 100 feet was within sight. So no one ever "lost" their buddy. Most buddys in the cluster were too far away to be a proper buddy.

This was an example of a DM led dive enabling complacency which led to a complete breakdown of the buddy system.

Yes, I agree with all that. That "group" stuff is no good. Vacation diving in a group is no good. Two people as a buddy team--good.

 

[sea_otter]

The golden rule is to avoid putting yourself in danger to help someone else.

I can tell you my horror story about an insta-buddy on a tropical dive trip, our lack of communication, and how we ending up splitting up mid-dive.

This was dive #41 for me, so I was quite inexperienced (but had done just enough diving to think I knew what I was doing). My buddy, also a newer diver, had a new Go Pro, and his focus was on the video camera, at the expense of most everything else (including buoyancy, kicking, and any kind of communication with me).

It was a deep dive site which began as a swim through a short tunnel, emerging on a vertical wall. The exit from the swim through was around 105 ft deep, and we had agreed that would be our max depth. I followed my buddy through, and along the way he kicked up a good amount of sand. We emerged onto the wall, and he was already below me. I stayed at our agreed depth and swam along above him. Again fixated on the Go Pro, he started descending. I tried to get his attention, but I could not. He was now well below me, and I did not feel comfortable going any deeper. I managed to attract the attention of our dive guide, who promptly swam down to retrieve my buddy.

The DM brought him back up to the group, checked his gas and computer, and he paired me up with a team of two girls for the remainder of the dive. The DM and my buddy returned to the anchor line, where they spent the rest of the dive hanging shallow, waiting for my buddy's computer to clear. Meanwhile, I swam around a shallower stretch of the reef with the other team. I was extremely grateful that the DM was there and able to step in to help out.

I felt really awful about not being able to help my buddy and not making an effort to communicate with him before it was too late. It was obvious from the start that this wasn't the right dive for the Go Pro, but I didn't feel right about confronting him on it. In retrospect, a lot of that discussion probably should have happened before we jumped off the boat.

My risk tolerance has changed since then, as I've learned that there's still quite a lot I don't know. Today I wouldn't dream of doing a dive like that with an unknown buddy, and I don't think I'd be willing to do it with a single AL80 either. Even for something shallower and more benign, I'm a strong believer in over-communication. Talk about your diving experience ahead of time, and make sure you both understand the plan before you jump in the water. Review how you'll maintain communication during the dive, especially when there are distractions like cameras involved. And don't be afraid to speak up if something isn't going quite right.

 

[rabe]

The golden rule is to avoid putting yourself in danger to help someone else.

I can tell you my horror story about an insta-buddy on a tropical dive trip, our lack of communication, and how we ending up splitting up mid-dive.

This was dive #41 for me, so I was quite inexperienced (but had done just enough diving to think I knew what I was doing). My buddy, also a newer diver, had a new Go Pro, and his focus was on the video camera, at the expense of most everything else (including buoyancy, kicking, and any kind of communication with me).

It was a deep dive site which began as a swim through a short tunnel, emerging on a vertical wall. The exit from the swim through was around 105 ft deep, and we had agreed that would be our max depth. I followed my buddy through, and along the way he kicked up a good amount of sand. We emerged onto the wall, and he was already below me. I stayed at our agreed depth and swam along above him. Again fixated on the Go Pro, he started descending. I tried to get his attention, but I could not. He was now well below me, and I did not feel comfortable going any deeper. I managed to attract the attention of our dive guide, who promptly swam down to retrieve my buddy.

The DM brought him back up to the group, checked his gas and computer, and he paired me up with a team of two girls for the remainder of the dive. The DM and my buddy returned to the anchor line, where they spent the rest of the dive hanging shallow, waiting for my buddy's computer to clear. Meanwhile, I swam around a shallower stretch of the reef with the other team. I was extremely grateful that the DM was there and able to step in to help out.

I felt really awful about not being able to help my buddy and not making an effort to communicate with him before it was too late. It was obvious from the start that this wasn't the right dive for the Go Pro, but I didn't feel right about confronting him on it. In retrospect, a lot of that discussion probably should have happened before we jumped off the boat.

My risk tolerance has changed since then, as I've learned that there's still quite a lot I don't know. Today I wouldn't dream of doing a dive like that with an unknown buddy, and I don't think I'd be willing to do it with a single AL80 either. Even for something shallower and more benign, I'm a strong believer in over-communication. Talk about your diving experience ahead of time, and make sure you both understand the plan before you jump in the water. Review how you'll maintain communication during the dive, especially when there are distractions like cameras involved. And don't be afraid to speak up if something isn't going quite right.

Did the DM say something to him after the dive?

 

[sea_otter]

Did the DM say something to him after the dive?

He did, yes. The buddy was a bit spooked over the experience (after all, none of this was intentional, and it can be deceptively easy to lose track of depth in clear blue water along a bottomless wall). He chose to sit out the next dive.

I went back the water as a group of three with the girls.

 

[ajduplessis]

Accidentally...

 

[Diver0001]

I'm not expecting to have to do this... but then again, if my dive buddy starts hauling ass in a different direction than the dive master and the rest of the group, I'd feel pretty torn about following him or her.

I'm one of those newbies that's so focused on keeping my buddy and the DM in my sight that I don't notice any underwater life until it's practically flown up my nose. I suppose I'll be less prone to doing that once my navigation skills and confidence goes up.

But I've been reading the "Most Frightening Moments" thread and the "Bad Buddies" thread and whoa Nellie! Some folks sure do seem overly casual about diving and rather over-confident at times.

I hate the idea of someone having to surface by themselves (especially if they don't have a SMB) but I also wouldn't want to follow a buddy into decomp.

And of course, I don't want to be that buddy that leads someone into decomp. I'm not saying I'm the uber-buddy. But I do dive rather conservatively because I've only got a dozen or so dives under my belt.

You will start to relax a bit as time goes on. I would advise you to look for a local shop that helps you network with potential buddies. It sounds to me like your experiences to date have lead to more stress than anything else.

Personally I'm the type of diver who would only leave a buddy if there were no other option. I'm a team player above and below water and while I can be very assertive about what I want, I won't put someone in a potentially dangerous situation by saying "screw you" and then just leave them twisting in the wind.

Judging by this thread I am certainly not the only one with this attitude but opinions clearly vary.

That said, I had one occasional buddy in the past who I sometimes just let go and I'll admit that part of it was frustration. His name was Tom. He was one of the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet but as a diver he was by far the least attentive buddy I ever dived with.

I gave Tom a nickname that stuck with him in the club, "Tuf Tuf Tom Tom", which when said with a Dutch accent has the sound of a little diesel motor that just keeps going no matter what, and that described him perfectly. On the odd dive I just let him go and finished the dive solo. Tom was experienced enough that he always ended up back at the exit after an hour even though I sometimes wondered why he DID keep track of time but couldn't seem to keep track of his buddy.

At one point (possibly due to his behaviour) he was involved in a fatal accident in which his buddy died. He stopped diving after that and we lost touch. Part of me still feels (emotionally) as though his behaviour may have contributed to the accident, even though this was never established.

R..

 

[tomfcrist]

I adhere to the “don’t be stupid” buddy mentality. If my buddy is being stupid, I try to correct it once...after that, we aren’t buddies anymore.