How many ______ does it take to screw in a light bulb?

[Dan G]

Post your favorite versions of this joke here.

How many Teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
12, you got a problem with that?

How many ski instructors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
5, one to change it and 4 to talk about the turns.

 

[TSandM]

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb really has to WANT to change.

 

[electrix]

You would not believe the number of people that cannot change a light bulb without cross threading it

 

[boulderjohn]

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. The hard part is getting them in there.

 

[Searcaigh]

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Fish

 

[miketsp]

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, lightbulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.

---------- Post Merged at 08:16 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 08:13 AM ----------


How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS... I'm sorry...what did you ask me?

 

[supergaijin]

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

1000.

One to hold the bulb in place, the rest to turn the house.

 

[r4e]

How many technical divers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Thirteen.

The first ten rebreather divers go each away to think how they could modify the lamp.

Then arrives a DIR diver who will use a minimalistic approach to change the bulb.
He'll call his team because he does not change bulbs alone nor with random people he does not trust to have sufficient bulb changing and team skills. The optimum team size is three. Without further discussion everybody will bring standard gases for this altitude. All equipment will be suitable for the task at hand. Only one ladder is required for the team. But everybody will have a smaller safety ladder in their right pocket. Spare gloves will be located in the left pocket. The team will agree on their roles and the goal of the operation. Two of the team members will be supporting the ladder whilst one of them (diver 1) will climb the ladder. The same procedure is used to change light bulbs from table top lamps upwards. The operation will be carefully planned including alternative scenarios like having to step one step higher on the ladder or the operation lasting five minutes longer. Everybody knows that the operation may be cancelled anytime before or during the bulb replacement.

Before the actual operation, the plan will be repeated and safety checks made. Each member will demonstrate unrestricted removal of their safety ladders. The contents of the pockets will be checked eventhough everybody already knows the standard contents of each other's pockets. Everyone will have exactly one watch since unnecessary redundancy is not accepted. Should a watch fail, everybody is still able to mentally track time based on the ratio of time vs steps on the ladder.

Diver 1 will have to climb the ladder twice, once to remove the old bulb and the second time to bring and screw in the new bulb. The reason is that he will only be using his left hand for the job as he needs to keep his right hand free to assist any OOA divers. He may only temporarily use his right hand for other tasks. He will not use his hands at all whilst climbing the ladder. Neither will he need to lean on the ladder nor touch the table tops, walls or the ceiling. All the team members will be positioned so that they may constantly monitor and communicate with each other irrespective of number of ladder steps climbed. None of the team members will be task loaded because all the movements have been practiced for many years.

 

[SeahorseDeb]

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb really has to WANT to change.

One, but it has to watt to change....

 

[ScubaTigress]

How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.