weights and measures

[scubadog76]

why shouldn't the number 288 be mentioned in polite company? Because it's just two gross. (Gross-1. plural. a group of 144 or 12 dozen items.-2. Punchline to a very lame joke.) Later, s.dog76

 

[cat]

The adoption of the metric system has led to all kinds of possibilites for "new" units. Some examples are:
The nanosagan (nS) = one star
The millihelen (mH) = amount of beauty required to launch one ship
The millipicture (mP) = one word

Old units of conversion persist:
8 cats = 1 octopus
2 semicolons = 1 large intestine
1 six shooter = 1 hexagon
9 nosy people = 1 nonofyourbusiness
3 miles (approximately) of surgical tubing from Harvard med. school = 1 I.V. league
Speed of worlds fastest (and noisiest) terrapin = 1 Mach turtle

While other units attempt to satisfy both imperial and metric users:
2000 lbs of dumpling soup = 1 won ton
while 1000 kg of the same soup = 1 won tonne
(Aggressive soup eaters and defense contractors may prefer to use war won ton/nes)
Force required to accelerate 2.2 lbs cookies to a speed of 3.3 feet per second squared = 1 fig-newton

Debate still rages over the appropriateness of the term "millihelen", however, since it makes use of a metric prefix...







with a Troy unit.

(Most of the above aren't original - they go around labs about once a year. I'm *not* telling you which ones are my own personal responsibility)

 

[Jester]

I've got to say that you've got WAY too much time on your hands!

 

[scuberd]

the best way to find out the metric equivalent is to double and add 30, like if the weatherman says it will be 4 degrees out side, you double 4 + 4 = 8 and add 30, the old 38 degrees. if you have a 6 pack you double it, 12 and add 30 = 42 metric beers. say the speed limit is 65 mph, you double it 130 and add 30, it is 160 kilometers per hour. its really very simple

 

[Cave Diver]

cat once bubbled...
(Most of the above aren't original - they go around labs about once a year. I'm *not* telling you which ones are my own personal responsibility)

You havent been here long, but already I like your sense of humor!

 

[cat]

Weights and measures, continued:

1 naked senior regulator checking her nitrox pressure off the coast of southern California =




1 L.A.-Dee Gauge Diver


Please note - I obtained permission from the senior regulator in question *prior* to posting this, so any moral outrage should be directed only at the pun itself....

(which I admit is a bit of a stinker )

 

[Scuba Jim]

say the speed limit is 65 mph, you double it 130 and add 30, it is 160 kilometers per hour.

but that is wrong.

65 miles an hour is 104 kph

You multiply by 1.6 to go from mph to kph
to go from kph to mph you divide by 1.6

160kph is 100mph

 

[Scuba Jim]

I shall take a print out of your formula and show it to the French police next time I get stopped for speeding in France.

"But Officer, my mate Scuberd says that 65mph is 160kph. I was only doing 65mph. It's an 80mph speed limit here, so I could have been doing 190kph if I wanted to!"