Too good of a buddy?

[kanonfodr]

I've recently completed a night dive with some regular buddies, but we were with a good sized group on a shallow reef. After we had finished the dive briefing and doing last-minute gear checks before gearing up my friend remarked that I needed a specific color of glowstick on my gear so they would know where I was because they felt safer with me close by.

Now my buddy is a fairly new diver, but the thought ran across my mind of "Why do they need me to feel safe?" We had 13 divers in the water, and their assigned buddy was their significant other who is on the same level (they both got their certs at the same time) whereas I was insta-buddied up with another diver, but we had an instructor leading the dive with a few DMs in the group and divers of varied experience along with us.

Granted, when diving with divers newer than myself (wow...I just turned over 50 dives) I generally take the lead but I feel that, as certified divers, they are completely capable of running their own dive. But then again, not all dive training prepares divers to the same degree that other training curricula does, so I take that into consideration.

The ultimate question is: Am I possibly doing my buddy a disservice by constantly taking the lead, and should I take an active role in trying to develop them as a better diver? I'm not an instructor or any other professional rating but I believe that, as certified divers, anybody should be able to lead a dive at any site when all others are of equal skill levels. More importantly, when diving with others of similar or lower training/experience levels (and really, all dives period) a round-table discussion of the goal of the dive should be discussed by all so that everyone should get to experience part of what they want, within reason of course.

In other words, am I being TOO good of a buddy??

Peace,
Greg

 

[USCScubaboy]

People have different personalities. I don't think the issue you raise is about skill (diving-wise). Rather, it may simply be a comfort-zone thing. Some people may prefer follow rather than lead, even when diving with people equal to their skill level.

 

[gcbryan]

It is a good point. I led most of my dives from the beginning on (unless I was diving with a more experienced diver) and as I developed regular buddies some would just assume that I would lead and many/most would prefer that.

I would just come up with reasons every now and then to make sure that they took the lead so that what you are talking about wouldn't happen. You don't always have a make a big deal of having them lead, just ask them if they would lead on a particular dive because you are tired, feeling lazy, want to take pictures, whatever.

You can't worry about it too much if it's instant buddies but if it's people you will be around frequently it's in your and their interest for everyone to be capable divers. Some people are content to let everyone else lead and I've got to believe that it's better not to let that happen.

 

[Bubbletrubble]

Easy solution. Have members of the dive group take turns leading the dive. Each diver can get the opportunity to lead one complete dive. In turn, this makes divers more sensitive to how difficult the job can be...and they become better followers. Everyone wins. This strategy can work well for a group of "regulars" -- clearly less applicable to ragtag insta-buddies.

Whenever I dive with instructors or DMs, they don't like to lead anyway. They say it feels too much like they're "working."

On 99% of my dives, the primary goal is to have fun. If an inexperienced dive buddy would feel more comfortable following you, you can suggest that the two of you dive side-by-side...or you can just give in and play the leader. Some buddies might not react well to having you "develop" their skills. Go with the flow and have fun.

BTW, why are you guys using glowsticks? Write something unique on the back of your fins with some paint. Show your friends how to identify you by your light and other gear.

 

[Sas]

I think with an instabuddy I would not bother, would just try to make them comfortable.

For someone I dived with regularly I'd talk about it with them to see if they would like to lead or learn different things. For me personally, I was crap at navigation so I told a buddy who I just used to let navigate as he is so good at it to withdraw navigational support so I'd be forced to learn. It was very helpful to be forced to learn this way.

 

[Gombessa]

This very subject was brought up in one of my classes (Essentials). My buddy, also the more experienced, is very comfortable leading, and I'm very comfortable taking the #2 position. Our instructor told us that this was a very conspicuous dynamic, and it would probably be to both our benefit to switch up roles and trade off leadership positions, particularly since it lets everyone work on navigation, timing, deco and decision-making skills.

This makes a lot of sense if you're diving in a "team" or with regular buddies. In a less-regular or more insta-buddy type situation, it's probably less applicable, especially if you're showing people around a site for the first time.

One amusing note to me is that a lot of local divers I dive with prefer to not lead dives, since it's more stressful, etc. So there's often a game of "not-me!" that always catches me off-guard (and consequently leaves me as the leader).

 

[mpgunner]

Mixing things up is good. My dive group also adds some skill practice at the end of a dive (night or not) to keep sharp.

 

[Diver0001]

The ultimate question is: Am I possibly doing my buddy a disservice by constantly taking the lead, and should I take an active role in trying to develop them as a better diver?

Greg,

Usually questions like this cause some smart-alec to tell you that if your buddy isn't able to lead the dive that they shouldn't be in the water. I hope you are spared that in this thread.

I think you have to split this thing about "leading" into short term and long term goals.

Long term, I think it's best if you're working toward a situation where nobody is "leading" the dive. You may, however, want to assign certain tasks to certain people. For example, when i dive with my regular buddy we're both aware of the dive plan and parameters, where we are, where we're going, where the other guy is etc. But when we make mid water swimming stops we split tasks. We have no visual reference for mid-water swimming where I live so I usually pay most of my attention to stop depths and times and he uses me as a visual reference for where he should be in the water column. He usually pays more attention to the compass and I use him as a visual reference for which way to swim. In that case, nobody is really leading, but we both have tasks to perform for the "team". The important part of that is that we could switch those rolls at any time and it would make no difference.

On the short term, however, it might be too much to ask a highly inexperienced buddy to do much more than not get lost. Depending on their level of situational awareness, even that could be a full-time job so leading in the sense of setting tempo, depth and direction is a reasonable thing to do. In the situation you described the buddy seemed to be indicating that they wanted you to be in charge so that dive was probably pushing their comfort envelope a bit and it would be good to give them the assistance they were asking for. However, if you make dives with this buddy on a regular basis and also during the day or in conditions that they find less intimidating... THAT ... is the time to turn the rolls around and ask them if they want to take on an additional task besides not getting lost. There are many tasks you can choose from. "Leading" is not a single task. if you split it down it's

• controlling depth
• controlling direction and/or navigating
• controlling tempo
• looking for (particular) critters
• etc etc etc

You get the idea. There are many tasks. So when you ask them to lead for the first time you might say, for example, "you keep your eyes open for octopus, and I'll watch for sea horses." (or whatever)

It might not seem like "leading" when I say it like that, but the diver will be performing a "task" for the team, which is one of the key elements of learning to lead. Over time, add other tasks and/or raise the bar so they're learning to "lead" or perform multiple tasks but without the stress of "suddenly" being put in a position of being responsible for the entire group.

R..

 

[kanonfodr]

On 99% of my dives, the primary goal is to have fun. If an inexperienced dive buddy would feel more comfortable following you, you can suggest that the two of you dive side-by-side...or you can just give in and play the leader. Some buddies might not react well to having you "develop" their skills. Go with the flow and have fun.

Very good point, diving is about having fun. And also another good point about some divers not wanting me to develop their skills. But I dive with a focus on trim, bouyancy, and propulsion technique that the average diver here, especially new divers IME, haven't had an exposure to. So it's my own effort to become a better diver in my way by trying to "lead by example," especially with newer divers who haven't been formally exposed to concepts that I have been. I do sincerely try not to be pushy about it, though.

BTW, why are you guys using glowsticks? Write something unique on the back of your fins with some paint. Show your friends how to identify you by your light and other gear.

While the dive was organized by this particular buddy, it was being sponsored by one of the local dive clubs and their policy for night dives is that all divers should use glowsticks. Believe me, I was the last diver to take one, hoping that they would run out . But if it makes the other divers feel better, and it doesn't really affect me, then why not?

Also, caught your comment before your edit. I'm not trying to be facetious with this, just wanting to make my position clear: I'm still a new diver, and while I'm not always the most confident in my skills I am very confident in my training. Dunno if that makes sense to others, but it's the easiest way I can explain it.

If I were to put it into another perspective, I dive with another group that includes several technical divers and a tech instructor or two, depending on who shows up that day. Most of the divers have multiples of the dive count I do, and I readily consider myself one of the weaker links in the chain because everyone has a lot more experience than myself. So I have a tendency to bounce between being the Weak Link to being the leader of the group, kinda seems a bit Manic-Depressive when I look back on it. And some days I am completely on the ball and feel great after a dive, other times I come out of the water feeling pretty bad about myself. So I'm not consistently at the level where I want to be, and consistency IMO is a feature of all good divers.

Peace,
Greg

 

[Bubbletrubble]

Also, caught your comment before your edit. I'm not trying to be facetious with this, just wanting to make my position clear: I'm still a new diver, and while I'm not always the most confident in my skills I am very confident in my training. Dunno if that makes sense to others, but it's the easiest way I can explain it.

OK. I'm busted.

Greg, I removed those comments because, after thinking about it a little more, I think I was being too harsh. Please know this, though. I will dive with pretty much any certified diver out there who doesn't do anything to endanger himself or his buddy (me). There have been a couple of occasions when I've dived with someone who exuded an intolerable haughtiness topside. It annoyed me to the extent that I won't do dive trips with those individuals anymore. I can't tell you how painful it is to do a one-hour surface interval while sitting in a small panga next to someone that blusters on about how great he is. I considered putting my hood back on so I wouldn't have to listen to his stories (topside temp was 80°F). I realize that's not you. Please don't ever turn into that kind of person. Sorry for the rant.

So I have a tendency to bounce between being the Weak Link to being the leader of the group, kinda seems a bit Manic-Depressive when I look back on it. And some days I am completely on the ball and feel great after a dive, other times I come out of the water feeling pretty bad about myself. So I'm not consistently at the level where I want to be, and consistency IMO is a feature of all good divers.

Dude, chill out. Diving is fun. Enjoy it. It's OK to want to improve, but don't let those thoughts morph into "feeling pretty bad" about yourself.