The Pope

[Former FLL Now MSP Diver]

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the coastline on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope mobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline in an area where Canadian tourists typically inhabit when there was an enormous commotion heard off the headland.

He drove closer to see what it was. Upon approaching the scene, he saw a man in the water wearing a Montreal Canadian hockey jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. At that moment, a speedboat containing three men wearing Toronto Maple Leaf hockey jerseys roared into view from around the point.

Immediately, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark's ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Habs fan from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They then bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the boat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was the Pope summoning them to the beach.

After they reached shore, the Pope praised them for the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there was bitter hatred in your country between the fans of the Habs and the Leafs, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and companionship, and it could serve as a model on which other countries, like this one, could follow". He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.

As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?".

"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom".

Well," the harpooner replied, "he doesn't know a thing about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up okay, or do we need to get another one?"

Marc

 

[scuberd]

Thats the best one I've heard about the pope ever. Good job =-)

 

[Jester]

Not bad, eh?

 

[jiveturkey]

Ohhh that's good. I'm forwarding that one around.

 

[Former FLL Now MSP Diver]

A guy boards an airliner, takes his seat, and looks out the window.

Lo and behold, the Popemobile pulls up, the Pope gets out and boards the plane. He strolls down the isle, and sure 'nuff, he stops at the empty seat next to where the guy is sitting and asks him "Is this seat taken, my son?"

The guy stammers..."No...no it isn't, please sit down your eminance."

He thinks to himself...."I can't believe it. Here I am, on a plane
with the Pope, and He's sitting next to me!"

The plane takes off, and the Pope pulls out a cross-word puzzle book and begins working it. A few minutes later, the Pope asks....."Excuse me, my son....but what would be a four-letter word for 'a woman', that ends in '_unt'"?

The guy gets really flustered, thinking "....Jeez, I can't say THAT
word....this is the Pope." He thinks for a minute, then suddenly blurts out "aunt."

The Pope says...."Oops, can I borrow an eraser?"

Marc

 

[PaulB]

The Pope and Bill Clinton die on the same day. The Pope ends up in hell and Clinton ends up in heaven. The Pope knows that a terrible mistake has been made and filed a complaint with the Devil. The next day, the Devil appologized and said that he would be sent up to heaven immediatly and Clinton would come down. On his way up, he met up with Clinton.
"Hey, sorry about the mix up" said Clinton.
"I'm just glad it got worked out. I really wanted to go to heaven" said the Pope.
"Oh yeah? Why do you want to go there so badly?" asked Clinton.
"I've always wanted to meet the virgin Mary" replied the Pope.
"Well, I hate to break that bad news, but you're a day late!"

 

[Sebastian]

^^ lol very good

 

[Rev. Blade]

The pope is riding across Texas in the back of a limousine, tinted windows, etc. He gets bored and calls up to the driver, "Hey. I never get to drive anymore. Why don't you let me drive?" The driver says he doesn't think it's such a good idea, but the pope talks him into it, so they swap seats. Well, the pope decides that ol' Interstate 10 is a good place to put the throttle down. Pretty soon they're going 130 miles an hour. As luck would have it, a couple state troopers see the speeding car. As they pull the limo over, one cop says to his partner, "I get so mad when people drive that fast. I'm going to really chew him out." The angry trooper goes up to write a ticket, while the other stays at the patrol car as a backup.

The trooper that was going to write the ticket, turns a bit white as he looks through the drivers window, and sees who was driving. He apologizes, and sheepishly walks back to his squad car. His partner asks why he didn't write a ticket. The scared cop said, "This guy was too important. I'd get in trouble for sure." The partner asks who it was in the car. "I didn't get a good look through the tinted glass, but I'll tell you this. Whoever it was, hired the POPE for his driver!"

 

[Rev. Blade]

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coatpocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around prostitutes and lack of bath."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."