The irritating dive buddy thread...

[Spencermm]

I'm 44 yo, married 10 years w/3 kids, educated, and not socially retarded. I have always enjoyed doing things alone. I like fishing alone, going to the movies alone, kayaking alone, I've even been on vacations alone and enjoyed them. I think it is mostly out of selfishness that I enjoy doing things alone. I have a picture of how I want something to be in my mind, and that is how I want it to be.
However, if I chose to do a thing with someone else I don't hold fast to said picture, nor do I try to make things happen my way- in fact, I usually go out of my way to make sure things are pleasing for whomever I am with. Most of the time though, I would just as soon do a thing alone.
Now, I have changed some since marriage, for the better I suppose. I feel less....whole when my wife is not present during something important. I frequently want my kids with me in case something enriching happens.
Now, having said all of the above- that irritating dive buddy behavior thread made me nuts. I can't imagine traveling afar, spending a lot of money and effort to go diving somewhere cool and be irritated the whole while by others' behaviour(I'm mostly thinking of insta buddies here.).
In some of the posts it would seem to me that one would be better off with no buddy.
I'm wondering if I am destined to look into solo diving at some point, when my experience is greater.
I wonder if solo divers dive solo for this very reason. Anyone care to weigh in
on this subject?
Spencer
(BTW- I found that thread educational in learning what not to do as a buddy.)

 

[MikeFerrara]

I too have done a lot of hunting fishing, camping and other activities alone. My wife doesn't hunt and most of the hunting I do is best suited to a single hunter anyway but she camps and fishes with me. Most of my diving is with my wife or son but if it weren't for them, I'd probably be doing most of my diving alone. Most of our diving is in places where we can go our own way. We really don't care to be confined to a resort or charter boat having taken pot luck as to who we will be with. With the right buch it's fun...with the wrong bunch it's worse than just going to work.

I remember one trip we went on that a dive shop put together. A couple of the folks were just the most irritating vulgar people I've ever ran into. LOL in the old days, someone like my grandather would have knocked their teeth down their throat just for talking like that around his wife. The worst part wasn't even the diving.
the worst was that we were expected to do everything with the group even when we weren't diving. I almost had to argue with the "group leader" just to get them to leave us alone long enough that my wife and I could have dinner without them.

Almost by definition, those who don't enjoy doing what most others enjoy or how they enjoy doing it, generally don't fit in all that well. It's no different for divers.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

I in fact dive solo for a number of reasons. Number one is I enjoy the freedom to do as I want, when I want, and where I want. Next as a working DM heading for instructor it becomes almost a necessity to be able to dive without having to worry about someone else. Just to avoid the burnout factor.

As for insta buddies I have had some that were like an extension of me from the get go and we had a great time. I've also had others who after a few minutes I could almost not wait for the dive to be over to be rid of them. They were either unsafe, unprepared for the dive we were doing( but insisted they were on the surface), or just had lousy skills all the way around. THe unsafe ones I had no qualms about telling them they were unsafe. If they got mad too bad. I was paying for a nice relaxing vacation, they were not paying me to babysit them. Those who were unprepared basically had skills adequate for a nice shallow reef but in the current and with the surge that was happening they were getting beat up and did not know how to handle it, I tried to help one of them with a little advice and he improved.

Some of them also thought they could and couldn't but were just fine with what they were doing. Those I gave up on and steered em to the op to find someone else. I like doing alot of things alone. A good movie I 'd rather see by myself first so I won't have to be telling another person to shut up while I'm trying to watch it. My wife is very good about this but we have had friends of hers go with us once in awhile and I told one if she did not keep her yap shut I'd dump my $4 coke all over her head.

As for being better off with no one diving, I'd have to say that yes sometimes I am. I have the experience, training, and equipment to do so safely in environments I'm experienced in and comfortable with. I also know when the conditions are such that a mediocre buddy would not be a bad idea.

But I also feel that at this point a bad buddy is much worse than diving alone and would rather call the dive off. Some say a bad buddy still is a source of backup air. I say not if you can't find him or when you go tp him/her for assistance they panic and take off or are clueless as to how to assist.

 

[LI Diver]

I'll give it a go. The few dives or part of dives actually since I only once intentionally dove solo from the start were some of the most enjoyable. Don't get me wrong because I am grateful to have buddies that will dive with me. I like the solitude that diving alone allows and maybe I am a bit selfish as well. Many times on shallow dives when my gas supply allowed and my buddy was getting low I would escort them back to the boat and finish my dive in close proximity to the boat. Good conditions and depth of 30' or less is also my criterion for this.Of course I am a relative newbie and in no way experienced enough to give you advice one way or the other. I will also say that besides being so much safer buddy diving with the right person can make your dives easier and over time you can work out locations and dive plans that suit both divers. As far as traveling if you can't get your buddy to go then a lot of times the best thing to do for a guy like you is to make arrangements to have a DM on location for your buddy but
A: specify that you want a DM for yourself only and
B: don't be shy about communicating to the DM exactly what you like in a dive
C: If they work for a dive op tip them well (if their self employed then pay whatever the fee is) and if on a boat tip the crew in this case.
It sounds like alot but when you spend big money to go somewhere you may never go to again it's a mere pittance!

 

[Ana]

I'm wondering if I am destined to look into solo diving at some point, when my experience is greater.
I wonder if solo divers dive solo for this very reason. Anyone care to weigh in
on this subject?

Without a doubt you should be looking into solo diving. Not only to literaly dive solo, but to be inmune to this insta-buddy nonsense.
I read the thread but I couldn't contribute to it, and I was happy about that. For quite a while now I dive with my husband, before meeting him all of my diving was solo.
Yes, I went in charters that assigned me a buddy sometimes and I also went diving with friends but I never considered them "buddies" in any sense, in particular if they did something that I considered stupid. Just so happen that my training never added any liability, so if something would've happened I would be the less responsible person in the bunch.
Diving has always been too precious for me to be wasted in useless people. Yes I've met individuals diving that would remain my friends until I die, but as a general rule I have no use for the people on a typical charter; paying the cost of a spot on that charter doesn't mean I have to actually interact with them, just as I don't interact with anyone when I get on a bus.

Even with my husband our diving probably falls into the same ocean buddies category, and we like it that way. We are fortunate to be able to dive very often and that frequency has been changing our individual ways; little by little to the point that our styles are merging but this is happening naturaly.

Either we are getting weirder or the diving world is turning into one big pre-programed Disney ride and we don't like it. I know this goes beyond the insta-boddy subject but lately everytime we traveled to other dive destinations we've encountered annoying treatment. Is getting to a point that I rather do a sand dive on my own terms that diving thru the real lost city of Atlantis with a guide.

 

[Jim Kerr]

I'm not socially retarded.

Better change that AVATAR picture if you want anybody to believe that.

I can't imagine traveling afar, spending a lot of money and effort to go diving somewhere cool and be irritated the whole while by others' behaviour(I'm mostly thinking of insta buddies here.).

In most cases you will have no choice but to buddy up with someone or they won't let you dive. You can always hire a DM if you want to shell out the $$$.

In some of the posts it would seem to me that one would be better off with no buddy.

In some cases you might as well be diving solo because the buddy you have may be new to diving or a vacation diver who only dives once or twice a year, and has no situational awareness.That means if you get into trouble, chances are you will be left to handle things on your own.

I'm wondering if I am destined to look into solo diving at some point, when my experience is greater.

There's alot of debate on this subject but there is training for it. Check out SBs "solo divers" section and ask your questions about training and equipment there. But even if you have the gear and the training, some OPs will still not let you dive solo.

I wonder if solo divers dive solo for this very reason.

Yes, some divers just prefer to be self sufficient and don't want to be responsible for (or have to babysit) anyone else. You'll see most photographers dive solo, mainly because they make such lousy dive buddies. They make lousy dive buddies because they spend alot of time looking thru the view finder waiting for that perfect shot. When they're doing this, it's hard for them to watch out for a buddy. And the buddy usually get's bored of sitting at the same spot for long periods and wants to move on. Now I'm not knocking photographers, I'm just telling you the way it is.

(BTW- I found that thread educational in learning what not to do as a buddy.)

Good, it's important to learn how to be a good dive buddy, for your safety as well as your dive buddy's.

 

[Hemlon]

Like Jim Lap, I solo for many reasons. I always have one day off during the week (as well as weekends) and finding a wekday dive buddy can be tricky.

Also, I really enjoy not having to consult someone else when planning and executing my dives. I like the freedom of spending all of my dive looking at one particular fish at 20 ft...or discovering what all there is to see below 150 ft.

Lastly, there is something very comforting in knowing that I am solely responsible for myself. The gear and skills that I possess are what keeps me safe exclusively.

 

[Nemrod]

Go solo whenever possible. I have also done many things solo, mountain climbing, hhiking the Bob Marshall for weeks, flying in cloud, why do I need a buddy to dive--I don't and neither do you. Solo is not a skill thing and it is not an equipment thing--it is a state of mind and of preparation.

Yes, the thread in question is one of the reasons I go solo (except for my wife and good friends sometimes) but the main reason is just as you said, you PREFER to be alone. You have a picture in your head of the way you want it to be--so do I--and therefore I go alone--SOLO.

N

 

[dave4868]

Now, having said all of the above- that irritating dive buddy behavior thread made me nuts. I can't imagine traveling afar, spending a lot of money and effort to go diving somewhere cool and be irritated the whole while by others' behaviour(I'm mostly thinking of insta buddies here.).
In some of the posts it would seem to me that one would be better off with no buddy.
I'm wondering if I am destined to look into solo diving at some point, when my experience is greater.
I wonder if solo divers dive solo for this very reason. Anyone care to weigh in
on this subject?

Yes, it looks like you're destined to become a solo diver, since you also appear to enjoy the intangible benefits of solitude.

That might be as big a factor for you as the hazards, hassles and distractions often associated with buddy diving.

Dave C

 

[RonFrank]

I'll throw a different twist on this. What do you, with less than 24 dives bring to the table? You don't have rescue training, you don't have much experience, you likely use more air that more experienced divers, you don't have great knowledge of any particular site, much less general experience in various diving conditions?

Being a good buddy is about more than just staying close to someone. Knowing how to be a good buddy is a good first step, but not the same as having the skills required.

I guess the point is that I sure see a lot of very inexperienced divers responding, and in this case starting threads like this, and I would generally put them in the not so good insta buddy category?

Don't take me wrong, I generally dive with anyone, especially in a local situation. Less so than in a vacation situation.

I think that the best way to be a good buddy is to become a good, and experienced diver. Rather than worry about what type of buddy others may or may not be, maybe start worrying about what type of buddy you make.

IMO anyone with less than 100 dives is NOT ready to start thinking of solo diving, especially for the reason that they *MIGHT* run into some divers who would not make good buddies?

The old saying applies, take care of your own backyard before worrying about other folks yards.

To answer your question, there are some things one can do to improve the insta-buddy situation. I've found diving with Nitrox works well. Once on the boat, announce you are diving Nitrox, and pair up with others diving Nitrox. This generally results in having more experienced insta-buddies. Another option is to plan your dives, and announce them here! I rarely go on vacation, and dive with total strangers as I often can hook up with SB folks. When I was new, I was the weakest link, and I was able to hook up with good dives on SB. Now I have a bit more experience, I continue to hook up with SB divers, and find them to be by in large good dive companions.