Teaching loved ones

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Azza

Azza

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Scuba Instructor
Divemaster
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New Zealand
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My Partner is driving me up the wall! I have been mentoring her since she started to dive(about 14 months now) and am now teaching her Divemaster one on one (it's a long term ongoing course designed so we get some time together i.e. she can assist me with classes), but sometimes it's so bloody frustrating I have to count to 10 and then tell her I need to take another toilet break so she doesnt see my frustration. That just prompts her to ask if my prostate is ok...

Seriously she has had it so sweet since she learnt to dive, like getting the right
equipment first time, good prices on courses, healthy discounts on gear etc, good mentored training, diving with some excellent divers. She is a far better diver, for the number of dives she has done, than most out there at her level including myself when I was at her level, but sometimes she doesnt seem to appreciate this...

I was just wondering if any of you ever get really frustrated teaching loved ones to dive either as an instructor or a mentor?
 
:laughing: sorry Azza, the whole prostate comment cracked me up..

I feel your pain! You should have her go spend some time with another Instructor for a few DM lessons (tank slinging, weight toting, missel catching duties), that ought to make her see you in a new light!
 
Azza:
My Partner is driving me up the wall! I have been mentoring her since she started to dive(about 14 months now) and am now teaching her Divemaster one on one (it's a long term ongoing course designed so we get some time together i.e. she can assist me with classes), but sometimes it's so bloody frustrating I have to count to 10 and then tell her I need to take another toilet break so she doesnt see my frustration. That just prompts her to ask if my prostate is ok...

Seriously she has had it so sweet since she learnt to dive, like getting the right
equipment first time, good prices on courses, healthy discounts on gear etc, good mentored training, diving with some excellent divers. She is a far better diver, for the number of dives she has done, than most out there at her level including myself when I was at her level, but sometimes she doesnt seem to appreciate this...

I was just wondering if any of you ever get really frustrated teaching loved ones to dive either as an instructor or a mentor?
Click to expand...
Welcome to Human Nature ... yes, most everyone who teaches gets frustrated trying to teach loves ones ... diving or anything else.

Relationships get in the way ... you cannot ... CANNOT ... critique this person objectively, as you would another pupil. Your relationship introduces way too many variables for that to do anything constructive.

I used to be a ski instructor, and the ski school was adamant that we should not try to teach family members how to ski for exactly the same reasons.

Let another instructor do it ... you'll both be happier ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)
 
I send my daughters to take their OW certification from a LDS. One is certified and two are on their way. This way, they won't pick up any bad habits I might have.

As far as mentoring, I was very nervous when I took my 12 year-old on her first post-certification dive.
 
Mentoring a loved one can work, but never try and teach one unless you’re looking for one of those 50 ways to leave your lover. I’ve hired a ski instructor, a flight instructor, a dive instructor, a racecar instructor, and a rock-climbing instructor for my wife – best money I ever spent and that’s why she’s still my wife. I also stayed away until she asked me to come around during her instruction too.
 
Heavy sigh.... never teach anyone you either love or are related to. If you make a correction, it is personal. I learned this years ago trying to teach my wife to drive stick shift.
 
You are violating my most important rule for a happy life.

NEVER NEVER NEVER TRY TO TEACH YOUR PARTNER ANYTHING.

Trust me, it's a no win. Pasley, funny how many of us learned from the same simple task. My wife still can't drive a stick.....at least I learned something out of the experience...and my poor clutch.
 
Not mentoring or teaching a loved one is all well and good except... My wife is my primary buddy and she isn't interested in becoming truly self-sufficient. She is a safe, conciencous diver up to the point of learning HOW things happen and WHY things happen.

This isn't anything new in her behavior. I too learned a valuable lesson in trying to teach her basic computer skills. She only wants to learn how to make it do what she wants, not understand the process itself.

She is truly a "resort diver". She wants the boat crew to rig her tank between dives. She wants me to plan our dive. She wants me to maintain her equipment between dives. Etc etc etc...

She isn't lazy, just not interested in the details and processes. As a buddy she is always right where she should be. She knows safety procedures just not the criteria driving them. She knows to always breath while diving but she doesn't care to understand ongassing/offgassing, lung expansion, embolisms and what causes them etc.

I know these issues diminish her "value" as a buddy in some ways but the fact remains she is mine. How do I convey the sense of urgency needed in knowing these things while still being allowed in the house when we get home? My daughter is just like me and my son is just like his mother. When we all dive we buddy this way as well. That makes me EXTREMELY nervous with them as a team in case they have a problem.

How do I get these points across when this is a lifestyle issue?
 
It's a relationship norm. People fear criticism from their partner most of all. Instruction is a critique. It's hard to not take things personal when your partner is the one telling you, you are wrong. Whether that is what you meant or you were just helping out, what is heard is "you are wrong, why can't you get this right, are you stupid?" That's because it is our personal fear that the person closest to us really thinks things like this. Men and women are different but criticism has an un-rational effect on us both from our partner at different moments and places. You may have done just fine being her scuba student, but react the same way if you were her student in a different setting. If you have to teach someone that close to you, be ready to voice twice as much positive feedback as correction. If the other person hears allot of positive feedback, they will still be frustrated about the corrections but the whole experience won't feel degrading. Be ready to be the most patient human being on the planet. If you pull that off, your partner will respect you and thank you for not letting the situation drive you nuts.

…Or you can just ask another instructor to do you a favor.
 
LOL well I insisted my wife carried her own tank and equipment. Call me whatever you want, but if you can't carry the gear, then you can't dive in my opinion. She knows how to take care of her equipment and does so. But I am the one who puts excessive thought into every purchase we make (diving or not)

We had some major arguments while she was learning to dive and I wasn't her instructor or in the pool with her *ever*. Same when I took her sailing (and I'd been teaching sailing for 16 years at that point - when I praised her she thought I was just "saying it to make her feel better" and when I critiqued I was being "cruel"). But now, she's my bestest buddy :)
 
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