Rules Men Wished Woman Knew

[MrMojo]

>RULES MEN WISHED WOMAN KNEW
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
Don't cut your hair, ever.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Get rid of your cat.
Sunday = Sports.
Anything you wear is fine, really.
Women wearing Wonder bras and low cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult that peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Yes, and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
If you don't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, then we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to appear.
You can either ask us to do something or tell how you want it done - not both.
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
You have enough clothes.
Nothing says "I love you" like sex.


Remember its Valentines real soon.................

 

[Amanda]

LMAO - And my bf too

 

[divemistress]

hmmm. i wouldn't bet the ranch that this sentiment is universally shared. even if it's not admitted publicly....

 

[MrMojo]

As only the ladies have replied here is somthing for you..........



How Dogs and Men Are the Same

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

How Dogs Are Better Than Men

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas (OK, really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.


And for when you drink in the bar.........



QUICK COMEBACKS

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there

 

[Jester]

The first thing men notice about women is their eyes, and the first thing women notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

 

[Former FLL Now MSP Diver]

LOL

Printed and posted on the fridge. We'll see how ling it lasts.

Marc