Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated...

[The Chairman]

I'm still here. I'm still living in North Central Florida aka Cave Country. No, I haven't forgotten you either, I've just been preoccupied with a sister who has stage 4 small cell lung cancer. Being a sole caregiver is a weighty responsibility. Indeed. Her son and his kids have lives and they'll visit when they can, but it's up to me to feed, care for, take to the doctor for her myriad of appointments 24/7/365. But, now it's time for me to watch her die, day by day. We did the chemo. We did the radiation. She took her meds because I made sure. I saw her reduced to barely a whisper of herself and then I saw her start to grow stronger as she got past the effects of her treatments. Right around Christmas the improvements stopped, then she crashed the last week of 2022. The cancer is back, worse than before, and there's a mass in her lungs that they can't remove without killing her. Way too week for more chemo, we've now entered the twilight zone of "hospice". Hospice is a newfangled word for deathwatch. Curative=>palliative=>hospice. Instead of hoping to see my sister dance again, my goal is to keep her warm, free from pain, and give her comfort. C'est la vie, or more aptly, c'est la mort!

The thing about hospice for a loved one is that it frees up a lot of time. Yeah, I still can't leave the house for hours at a time yet. That will come soon enough. Too soon. But I've done my mourning, I don't have to answer her in a few seconds to get her to the bathroom to pee as she has a catheter. She poops in her diapers and I just take care cleaner her. No greater love hath a brother for his sister as to wipe her butt. So, I'm catching up on all the cleaning I've ignored for the past 11 months, and I've caught up a lot on designing, and 3D printing several organizational doodads, which I call trays. I even installed a new AC unit by myself and am in the middle of moving a wall so my 3 inch too wide new refrigerator can fit in. I even feel mentally stable enough to post on ScubaBoard again. Yay! Maybe, I'm only posting to put off moving that wall???

So that's what I've been up to, and I hope I haven't been a Debbie Downer. Imagine what I've gone through this past year. But please, this isn't intended to be a pity party! I'm just glad to be back.

 

[formernuke]

Welcome back, sorry to hear she went back downhill over the holidays.

 

[Gene]

Pete -- Sorry to read this recent post about your sister. Seems like you have done all you can and have about the best attitude at this point as possible. Well done sir.
My mother was a LCSW for Hospice, and when we lost her in 2007 from a massive brain bleed all in one day, that was as hard as you can imagine it was.
Months later as my brother and I had the hard task of going through all her things, we came across boxes of hospice books dealing with helping people deal with the death of a loved one. My brother and I could only laugh at our mother still teaching us things after death, and with her hospice literature no less!
Hugs to you Pete...

 

[Robert H. Diver]

Sorry to hear that. At least she will not be in any pain soon…

 

[The Chairman]

My brother and I could only laugh at our mother still teaching us things after death

Indeed. I have learned an entirely new vocabulary through this process. My respect for the orderlies who deal with invalids has grown remarkably. Changing linens while the patient is still in bed is a mad skill. Doing it with compassion and good humor is a God send. Being able to teach me how to do it is amazing. I can deal with a level 2 brown out now in less than fifteen minutes. A level five takes about forty-five. I will not be pursuing this as an occupation.

 

[Brett Hatch]

We don't know each other, Pete, but you have my condolences nonetheless.

I've been going through something similar with my mother, who had a drawn-out cancer battle that finally reached its end about 8 weeks ago. She had pursued all treatments for 5 years -- chemo, radiation, several surgeries. One day she hit her absolute limit, and decided that enough was enough, it was no longer worthwhile for the quality of life ahead of her. So she refused all but palliative care, and passed away the next day. She was too young, and it was too soon, but it gives me some relief to know that, for her, it was her time.

I've been reading this book, The Day I Die by Anita Hannig. Hannig is an anthropologist and journalist, who covered physician-assisted deaths for five years or so, and her book documents those stories. That's not what my mom did, and it doesn't sound like what your sister is doing, but the close-up view of different people's choices at the end of their lives have been helpful to me. You might give it a shot.

 

[NW Dive Dawg]

Hey Pete..... I also don't know you and we've never met...... but I can say with complete certainty that you are a great brother and that your sister loves you and always will. Hang in there brother!

 

[Compressor]

Wishing you and your sister healing and love. Difficult situation is a huge understatement.

 

[ibj40]

God Bless you and your sister.

 

[RyanT]

I'm very sorry to hear this. Best wishes on your difficult journey.