Windwalker
Contributor
Some friends of mine (Steve and Kathy) keep a diary on deardiary.net under the name Oscar. This is one of his entries which is pretty darn funny. Being a reformed BMW owner this made me replace my keyboard. Perhaps others will get a good laugh too. Steve gave me permission to repost this one for everyone's enjoyment.
1 Feb 2002 - Of Etiquette and Add-On's
We talked to the BMW dealer and they sent us a "Buyer's Packet for Prospective BMW Owners". This leatherbound folder is velvet-lined, and smells distinctly of cedar. There are a variety of pamphlets included, a small bound book entitled "Image is Everything", 2 pairs of sunglasses that look suspiciously more expensive than the blue-blockers we bought off of QVC, and a pair of silicone "falsies".
Did you know that they will take your Beemer away if you do not subscribe to their code of etiquette? This applies to models manufactured within the last 3 years.
- Women can have a bra size no smaller than 34 C
- Men must have a waist size no larger than 34
- No beverage cups larger than 20 oz (16 oz for Z3 and M series)
- There are designated coffees for Beemer drivers available at "boutique" coffee shops. "Mundane" coffees are frowned upon.
- No tank tops (men only, dammit. Women can wear them, but only if they don't wear a bra)
- The "Anti-Stubble Clause" states that women must be shaved. (Kathy and I got into a bit of an argument about just what they should shave. I think I won.)
- The same Anti-Stubble Clause also covers men, and I lost this part of the argument. My groin really itches now.
- Bumper stickers must be cleared through the local dealer for approval. On the approval list:
a) Rainbows
b) Honor student notices
c) European Country ID's - these are the white oval dual-letter identifications common in Europe. Former Eastern Bloc countries only.
d) "Visualize World Peace"
Not Approved:
a) PETA
b) Chrome Naked Girlies
c) "Honk if You're Horny"
d) "Ass, gas or grass: no riders free"
e) "Visualize Whirled Peas"
We're starting to wonder if this is a very good idea. Kathy won't put the falsies in her shirt, and I have to buy a girdle. Also, I'm going to miss my Big Gulp cups. I suppose the good news is that if we go with the Z3 I can keep the top down year-round. There was nothing in the rules about that! Nor do they say anything about strapping a dead deer to the hood....
If you want more laughs, Check out http://www.deardiary.net/show/diaries/27982/welcome
1 Feb 2002 - Of Etiquette and Add-On's
We talked to the BMW dealer and they sent us a "Buyer's Packet for Prospective BMW Owners". This leatherbound folder is velvet-lined, and smells distinctly of cedar. There are a variety of pamphlets included, a small bound book entitled "Image is Everything", 2 pairs of sunglasses that look suspiciously more expensive than the blue-blockers we bought off of QVC, and a pair of silicone "falsies".
Did you know that they will take your Beemer away if you do not subscribe to their code of etiquette? This applies to models manufactured within the last 3 years.
- Women can have a bra size no smaller than 34 C
- Men must have a waist size no larger than 34
- No beverage cups larger than 20 oz (16 oz for Z3 and M series)
- There are designated coffees for Beemer drivers available at "boutique" coffee shops. "Mundane" coffees are frowned upon.
- No tank tops (men only, dammit. Women can wear them, but only if they don't wear a bra)
- The "Anti-Stubble Clause" states that women must be shaved. (Kathy and I got into a bit of an argument about just what they should shave. I think I won.)
- The same Anti-Stubble Clause also covers men, and I lost this part of the argument. My groin really itches now.
- Bumper stickers must be cleared through the local dealer for approval. On the approval list:
a) Rainbows
b) Honor student notices
c) European Country ID's - these are the white oval dual-letter identifications common in Europe. Former Eastern Bloc countries only.
d) "Visualize World Peace"
Not Approved:
a) PETA
b) Chrome Naked Girlies
c) "Honk if You're Horny"
d) "Ass, gas or grass: no riders free"
e) "Visualize Whirled Peas"
We're starting to wonder if this is a very good idea. Kathy won't put the falsies in her shirt, and I have to buy a girdle. Also, I'm going to miss my Big Gulp cups. I suppose the good news is that if we go with the Z3 I can keep the top down year-round. There was nothing in the rules about that! Nor do they say anything about strapping a dead deer to the hood....
If you want more laughs, Check out http://www.deardiary.net/show/diaries/27982/welcome
