It's sad enough to get old

[love2godeep]

Something happened today that isn't dive-related, except that it will befall all of us, should we live long enough.

I took my mom to the DMV today to get her driver's license. She has been in Korea for the past 8 years, teaching English, and her license expired. She's in her late 70s, and is not only healthy but still very witty, personable, and service-oriented. Since coming back from Korea, she's already found a place where she can volunteer her time--helping teach disadvantaged kids. But of course she needs her driver's license.

So we go into the DMV. A battleaxe of a woman takes Mom out for her test. When they return, this woman has a powwow with the head honcho, who then calls us in. He tells us that Mom has a serious short-term memory problem, and goes to great trouble to tell her that she is getting senile and is a menace on the road. He tells her he will NEVER give her a license. He says she was having a conversation with nonexistent children in the backseat.

I was shocked. I had not noticed any such symptoms as he was describing. Afterward, she told me that she had read in the DMV manual that you are always supposed to make sure everyone has their seat belt on. So before she started driving, in her typical sanguine style, she said, "OK children, do you all have on your seatbelts?"

My W&C is this: If a young person had said that, I think even that grim DMV woman would have taken it for what it was worth. But because my mom is older, the examiner immediately assumed she was suffering from dementia.

I have seen similar scenarios played out many times. Whatever happened to the days when we honored and respected our seniors? It's sad enough to get old, without having this burden, as well. How do they ever stand it?

Please, all of you out there, especially those who are younger, please respect the older generation. We owe them a lot, and it's a tragedy to blow them off as third-rate citizens.

 

[alcina]

Did your mom explain her remarks? Perhaps those people just don't have a sense of humour! If it was all in fun, I would definitely take this further with them.

I would also head off to the next town and go to the DMV there & hope for a better set of humans.

Good luck!

 

[Humuhumunukunukuapua'a]

I'd try another DMV, too. But what you say is true. Respect your elders before they are gone. There are so many things I wish I could remember, or that I wish I had asked my relatives who have passed away. As you say, we really owe the current older generation a lot.

Gregg

 

[Kim]

That is outrageous. I would definitely take it a lot further. First I would go to a doctor and let her have a check up - not because I would be suspicious (I presume that you already know yourself that your Mum is OK) - but just to have a clear statement from a qualified medical practitioner. Then I would make a formal complaint about the DPV examiner and the office itself. I would particularly want am explanation as to the medical background of the DPV people that allowed them to make such a claim in the first place. I'd probably also go see a lawyer.
Luckily in Japan they have very different attitudes towards old people. They value their experience very much.

 

[Afraid_of_Fish]

Wow, that is insanely rude. I would definetly take this further. And I'll bet that made your mother feel great..

Is that all that happened? Because if the rest of the test went well then there is no reason to withhold her license. Yeah, definetly contact a lawyer.

 

[Bob3]

Ditto on going to another DMV, but if that doesn't work, heck with the lawyer, get ahold of the AARP.

 

[Fly N Dive]

once again another DMV and then the Lawyer

 

[Diver0001]

Well clearly you can't accept that. Just go somewhere else and tell your mom that you'll watch the kids for her while she's gone....

On another note, I don't want to derail this but I hear a lot of moaning about the sue-and-be-sued culture but look at what people are writing.... Man you'd have lawyers live your whole life for you if you sued somebody every time something goes wrong..... Individuals created this problem and individuals will have to sort it out...one decision to sort out a problem personally.....one starving lawyer at a time. Maybe you're all lawyers and you're going to crawl up my patoosh about this but I think suing is bad advice unless all other options are exhausted.....it's like killing an ant with a ton of DDT. hmmmmm....that's almost sounding like a rant.

R..

 

[MikeC]

Depending on the state laws you might need to have mom checked before she can get her license. If the examiner failed her due to medical issues, she might be out of luck until she can prove otherwise. Going to another office might not help, it could be in the DMV's computer system.

A tough question, could your mom be slipping a little? You say that your mom was out of country for the last eight years, can you contact any of her friends overseas and see if they noticed anything "off" with her? If not, then go after the battleaxe.

Good luck.

 

[love2godeep]

A tough question, could your mom be slipping a little? You say that your mom was out of country for the last eight years, can you contact any of her friends overseas and see if they noticed anything "off" with her? If not, then go after the battleaxe.

Good luck.

Of course she is slipping a little. We all are, as a matter of fact, and whether we like it or not.

My rant is on two counts: 1) The way these people placed the worst possible light on things, without bothering to find out what she actually meant; 2) The way they spoke to her--as if she were totally senile and had no feelings, to boot.

My plea is that we remember our elders are valuable human beings with much to offer, and that we treat them the way we would wish to be treated.

The DMV honcho already has a hearing aid, and from the looks of him, old age is not far off for him. Interesting, isn't it?