nitrox32
Guest
>1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
>2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
>(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
>(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
>(d) When she is using her teeth.
>
>3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
>and eaten by his buddies.
>
>4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
>jail within 12 hours.
>
>5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
>forever unless you actually marry her.
>
>6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
>However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
>7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
>In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At
>that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
>
>8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
>weakest.
>
>9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
>the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
>
>10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
>climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of fart
>entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>
>11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
>sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and
>only when it's free.
>
>12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
>kick another guy in the nuts.
>
>13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
>14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
>15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
>
>16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
>until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
>much as the other sports watchers.
>
>17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
>sober enough to fight.
>
>18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
>but not both, that's just greedy.
>
>19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
>his choice of beer.
>
>20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
>except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
>21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
>a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>b) C 'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
>22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
>i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
>an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
>23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
>you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
>if necessary.
>
>24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
>carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
>is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion
>occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>
>25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
>to drive yours.
>
>26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
>orange or sky blue.
>
>27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
>with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
>
>28: There is no reason for guys to watch ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
>Ever.
>
>29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really
>know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
>definition of each is listed below:
>
>"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
>assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you
>still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
>
>"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
>perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ***
>and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
>
>I hope this clears up any confusion,
>
>
>2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
>(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
>(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
>(d) When she is using her teeth.
>
>3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed
>and eaten by his buddies.
>
>4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
>jail within 12 hours.
>
>5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
>forever unless you actually marry her.
>
>6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
>However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
>7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
>In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At
>that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
>
>8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
>weakest.
>
>9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
>the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
>
>10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
>climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of fart
>entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>
>11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
>sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and
>only when it's free.
>
>12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
>kick another guy in the nuts.
>
>13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
>14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
>15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
>
>16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
>until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as
>much as the other sports watchers.
>
>17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
>sober enough to fight.
>
>18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
>but not both, that's just greedy.
>
>19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
>his choice of beer.
>
>20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
>except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>
>21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
>a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>b) C 'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
>22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
>i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
>an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
>23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
>you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up
>if necessary.
>
>24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
>carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
>is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion
>occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>
>25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
>to drive yours.
>
>26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
>orange or sky blue.
>
>27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
>with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
>
>28: There is no reason for guys to watch ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
>Ever.
>
>29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really
>know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
>definition of each is listed below:
>
>"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
>assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you
>still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
>
>"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
>perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ***
>and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
>
>I hope this clears up any confusion,
>
