Have I done wrong???

[SteveDiver]

I had a party on New Years Eve at my lakehome and invited many friends and employees. One of my friends who I always thought had some psychological issues came to my party. I requested that the guests stay over-night because I do not believe in drinking and driving. Well...it turns out the friend that I suspected of having mental issues really did! She admitted that she is bi-polar! I am in the medical field and realize that people with mental disorders should not drink. It was an uncomfortable moment for me when I asked her not to drink because of her disorder and possible interactions with her medication. Apparently, she was drinking quite a bit and hiding it from me. Her behavior got REALLY bad! she was disruptive to everyone else. I tried to calm her and control her behavior to no success.

She really upset me to say the least and I asked her to leave grabbing her arm and walking her to the door. This was a popular decision as everyone at my party gave me a high five for the decision. Due to my concern and her protection from drinking and driving I called my friend who is a constable with a description of her vehicle and plate number informing him of the situation. He pulled her over and locked her up for the night until she was sober and released her the next morning. He spared her a ticket as a favor to myself. I feel awful about this! however, I also feel that I had no choice. I would not be able to live with myself if she hurt herself or others. We just now started talking a "little bit" again. She really needs help dealing with her disorder as it appears that she is getting worse. Should I attempt to speak to her about it? she has no family here in Houston or should I call her brother who is a MD? or just leave it alone? She really is a good person when she is acting "normal" however, she is loosing control of basic daily living ie: electric shut off, (inability to pay bills), get to work on-time or at all etc.? Part of me wants to completely limit conversation with her and not deal with it at all...

 

[plot]

Personally, I'd just stay away from the whole situation... she has the potential to drag you down with her and honestly, it's not your responsibility to take care of her.

You did the right thing by making her leave and making sure she didn't harm anyone. Calling a taxi might have been more appropriate than having her thrown in jail for the night, but whatever works...

 

[SteveDiver]

Personally, I'd just stay away from the whole situation... she has the potential to drag you down with her and honestly, it's not your responsibility to take care of her.

You did the right thing by making her leave and making sure she didn't harm anyone. Calling a taxi might have been more appropriate than having her thrown in jail for the night, but whatever works...

Thanks for the advise...Taxi was not an option as my lake home is in the country where there are no taxi's. Her home is approx two hours from the lakehouse.

 

[mstevens]

It may depend on which county you're in. Galveston and Brazoria counties (and a few others) have Mental Health Deputies in the Sheriff's department. They are licensed law enforcement officers who have mental health training. They're diplomatic and appropriate. In some cases they can compel people to go to the emergency room with them for an evaluation. Sometimes a little visit from them will get people to go visit their psychiatrist. In other jurisdictions you have fewer options. Your best bet is likely to talk with a family member such as the brother you mentioned.

She told you her diagnosis for a reason. At some level she probably wants someone to intervene. I wouldn't worry too much about damaging the friendship - her symptoms are likely to take care of that if they go untreated longer. If things go really wrong and you've done nothing you're likely to feel badly about it. If you help and she gets angry, then at least she's safe and alive.

It's true that you don't really have an obligation to help, and no matter how motivated you might be, there's a real limit to what you can do. On the other hand it's not really true that she has "the potential to drag you down with her" if you try to remain involved. That's more likely to happen if you try to pretend she's not sick and act as if nothing is happening.

 

[miketsp]

Going through a similar situation with a distant relative.
From what I've seen so far, there's no cure without support.
You don't have to get involved so far that she'll be able to drag you down but whatever support you can give will help. Just by being there and talking about it and giving sensible advice you'll provide a reference point that will help to have a stabilizing effect.

 

[SteveDiver]

Thanks for the replies. I have spoken to her brother and he is coming here next week with her mother to do an "intervention" he is a step brother so he has no issues. He said that he has a guest apartment that he is going to offer her and some colleagues that work in mental health that will work with her. I hope she goes for it! mental disease is a serious problem for some people. I personally do not have the patience to deal with mental health patients. He thanked me for calling and had an idea that it was getting bad from the calls he has been receiving from her. I wish him the best of luck for bringing her into his home especially having young children. I do not have the energy or time to deal with her. Actually, I do not want it near me or in my house; sounds selfish I know but I live a peaceful life and have enough stress at work let alone have to deal with it at home.

 

[ScubaTexan]

Thanks for the replies. I have spoken to her brother and he is coming here next week with her mother to do an "intervention" he is a step brother so he has no issues. He said that he has a guest apartment that he is going to offer her and some colleagues that work in mental health that will work with her. I hope she goes for it!

That's the best thing for her you could have done, IMO. I'm sure her family will appreciate you for it. My brother is going through the same thing with an acquaintance of his.