CathyI8205
Contributor
Funny Letters to Dear Abby...
DEAR ABBY:
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social
worker in her mid-twenties.
These two women go everywhere together and I've never
seen a man go into their apartment or come out.
Do you think they could be Lebanese?
---------------------------
I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.
My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes
in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby.
He says that *is* his hobby.
---------------------------
....I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so
much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
---------------------------
....I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has
been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and
I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't
know him well enough to discuss money with him.
---------------------------
....I suspected that my husband had been fooling around,
and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied
everything and said it would never happen again.
---------------------------
....I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know
he drank until one night he came home sober.
---------------------------
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is
going through her mental pause.
---------------------------
....This is the second marriage for both of us. And when
my husband said "I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.
---------------------------
I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see
each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I
love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's
going out with me just for what he can get?
GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
---------------------------
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month.
I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do
you think he'd like?
CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
---------------------------
Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
---------------------------
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife
had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature.
Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
---------------------------
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years,
but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
---------------------------
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
---------------------------
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and day.
DEAR ABBY:
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.
One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social
worker in her mid-twenties.
These two women go everywhere together and I've never
seen a man go into their apartment or come out.
Do you think they could be Lebanese?
---------------------------
I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins.
My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes
in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby.
He says that *is* his hobby.
---------------------------
....I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so
much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
---------------------------
....I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has
been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and
I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't
know him well enough to discuss money with him.
---------------------------
....I suspected that my husband had been fooling around,
and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied
everything and said it would never happen again.
---------------------------
....I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know
he drank until one night he came home sober.
---------------------------
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is
going through her mental pause.
---------------------------
....This is the second marriage for both of us. And when
my husband said "I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.
---------------------------
I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see
each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I
love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's
going out with me just for what he can get?
GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
---------------------------
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month.
I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do
you think he'd like?
CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
---------------------------
Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
---------------------------
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife
had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature.
Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
---------------------------
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and
he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years,
but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
---------------------------
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
---------------------------
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and day.
