family buddies

[Dan Dan the Scuba Man]

I saw that a bunch of the members on SB have Teenage son's/daughters that dive... I personally have a problem diving with my dad... He's more OCD about diving than I am and frankly, once we set fin in the water he forgets everything... he never checks his buddy, he doesnt't attend pre dive breifings and completly messes up the plan me and my friends had... it bugs me that a man who opened up the doors of a new exotic world Is such a pain to be underwater with...


does anybody else have this problem and Dad's congrats on the kid and the instruction.... please, PAY ATTENTION TO THEM, and dont act like your a better diver just becasue you have more dives under yourbelt... help your son/daughter along with their learning...

(these are just what I have experienced with my father while diving)

 

[jmps]

I think parent buddies can be different than your Dad. I am if anything too watchful over my daughter. I get too anxious if I can't see her every second. A good buddy doesn't just watch you. We just started diving together and we are working at being good buddies to each other. We give each other feedback.

I would give your Dad some feedback. If he doesn't change then he isn't someone you should be buddying with. I hope he realizes this and it could be a hard thing to do but worth it. This interaction can be great for your relationship and keep you alive.

 

[Rick Inman]

My Dad made me hold his hand from age 13 to 16 on every dive. Of course, back then there were no octos so it was buddy-breathing only, and we didn't even have PSIG's for the first few dives (just popped the reserve and went up). So I always knew my Dad had a good eye on me, which is smart when your son is 13 years old and immortal.

I think it's a good idea to have a serious sit-down with your Dad, because, regardless of your age, YOU are responsible for your safety, which means diving with a buddy you trust. I don't care who it is, if you're not comfortable diving with them, say so (politely, and with respect, of course ).

 

[Lightning Fish]

... he never checks his buddy, he doesnt't attend pre dive breifings and completly messes up the plan me and my friends had...

Take the lead, walk up to him grab his inflator and make sure it works and run through a buddy check. Tell him it's a quick buddy check as you start. Do you call him over for the predive briefing? Is he aware of your plan? If he is aware of your plan and agreed to it, when he blows off the plan, let him go. Then talk to him later about it, tell him you weren't comfortable when he wasn't nearby....

This is tough. If it were a random buddy for me, I wouldn't dive with them again unless the problem could be corrected. But this is your Dad.

Cheers,
Bill.

 

[ClayJar]

I've encountered similar problems (not with my dad, as nobody else in my family dives, but with J.'s (my significant buddy's) dad). The last dive I had with him, he was buddied up with his wife, and I was with one of J.'s sisters. I like to think that it was a *very* basic sampling of what being a divemaster must be like, as I ended up leading the dive and needing to keep track of an extra pair of divers.

The biggest problem I found myself facing was when he was grumpy before the dive and was trying (poorly) to do everything himself. I had to come point out that he was struggling (grumpily) to don his gear (improperly, even), when he had three divers there to help him with it, and being grumpy and stubborn was a luxury that we could not allow him to have. It seemed rather uncomfortable for me to be correcting *J.'s dad*, but he was not being a good buddy or allowing her mom to be one, and as he's really a great person, he took to heart the correction.

I guess what I'm saying is that having to dive with a family member (or the like) who isn't a good buddy (or perhaps isn't even a that great adiver) is asking quite a bit of *you*. It puts you in a role for which you're probably not "ready" and which will likely be uncomforable. For me, even before diving with J.'s dad, I'd taken it upon myself to learn as much as I could about being a good diver, a good buddy, and even a good (if untrained) leader (when necessary). It's not as easy and carefree a dive when I'm keeping track of him (or others), but I'm (very gradually) seeing his diving and buddy skills improve.

Talk to him (soft pedal as necessary to keep things from blowing up, but at the same time let him know it's not fluff, either), dive more, and realize that your skills may need to fill in for his lack of skills. It's not fair, but rather than getting stuck on that, take it as a great excuse for improving yourself.

Oh, one more bit of rambling: If he hasn't gotten advanced (or better) certifications, you can try talking him into you both going up to the next level. That will give you the opportunity to talk to an instructor beforehand to ask the instructor to be rather unforgiving about bad buddy habits. My instructors were quite willing to be the "bad guy" and come down fairly hard on J.'s dad's bad buddy habits, since they knew they had a lot better chance of getting through to him than his family had.

 

[Dan Dan the Scuba Man]

he's pushig me to do advanced and nitrox... dont get me wrong i wanna do them... but only after I have 2 or three more dives under my belt

 

[fairybasslet]

Well, I have to admit that I sometimes I really hated diving with my son. When we were in Roatan last year, he thought the object of the dive was to see who could make it back to the boat the quickest. Blew through his air so quickly. And it was expensive Nitrox too. But I did get him to listen to me. He was overweighted and his trim was off. I asked him if he was nervous, and he was. So he learned to slow down and toward the end of the trip, we were only around 200-300 psi apart.
We are going to Bonaire in a little over a week and it will be his first time diving in over a year. I know he will need some time to get comfortable again, and I can be patient. But I also have a new camera set up and I will be taking lots of photos, so I think he may get bored and leave me. LOL.
But I have to say this for him. He is a fantasic navigator. Much better than I am. Luckily, we will be traveling with a friend of mine whose boyfriend has a son my son's age. What I think is going to wind up happening is I'll probably wind up diving with my friend and my son will dive with the boyfriend and his son. My friend has a new camera too, so we'll be dragging up the rear.
So, I guess you really have to talk to your dad and tell him what your concerns are. He's not a mind reader. Only mom's are.