Thea Strassburg
Registered
I am posting here, frankly, for my own mental health. Since this incident 5 days ago, I am unable to focus, think about it constantly, try and pinpoint exactly where I screwed up, what should I have done differently.
I feel shocky, disoriented, we have been home for two days and still I cannot let this go. I need to talk, de-brief, I feel alone, and stressed and need to talk. And having few other friends who have ever dived, I thought I would ask for your indulgence and allow me to share this incident here.
My husband (non-diver) and I just returned from a 2 week vacation in Eleuthra, Bahamas (2/21/2014). I am a 49 year old attorney from Missouri and essentially a vacation diver, certified, with about 60 dives under my belt. About half of those dives were in Hawaii, the rest off of various islands in the Bahamas. I was certified about 2 years ago.
I have visited this forum hundreds of times over the years for informational purposes. Last night, I joined for emotional reasons. Something really bad happened. I am not sure why. I have always been a strong, capable woman, worked in a trauma center for years, (before going to law school). I took every moment of my PADI training extremely seriously. I have watched and read every account of a scuba accident I could find prior to every dive. Safety is what I specialize in.
But for the last 5 days, I have re-lived this incident a hundred times in my head. I can't sleep, I feel physically weak, I am irritable and angry and shocked and... Just in disbelief that this perfect vacation almost, and I mean seriously almost, ended in my death.
There is no one to blame. I take full responsibility for what happened here. I just cannot figure out the WHY of it. I can't make sense of it, and I am asking for help, here, in doing so. My mental health has taken a big hit, and I have no other experienced divers to de-brief with (I live in Missouri). Any thoughts totally appreciated.
This last Wednesday, February 19, 2014, we went on a one tank wreck dive at Devils Backbone off of Harbor Island, Bahamas. I had already dived a few times during this vacation, and had a blast. It was a 1:00PM dive, there were 3 Dive Masters, and a Master in training on board, all under 30 years old. We had 4 certified divers, including me, and 3-4 discovery divers.
S (head Master) gave us our briefing. He and the Master in training (a pretty girl around 22) would take the certified divers over the reef to the wreck, we would descend and explore, then return through a small swim through (a huge iron pipe about 20 feet across and 15 feet wide). S stated that there would be a little current on the way back, and we should feel free to grab the dead coral to ascend the shallow reef after the swim through if needed.
We swam over the shallow reef and down to the wreck. My videos show the surge tossing us around after we reached the wreck. I had some trouble with my weight belt slipping, and had to fuss with that a bit. I remember being unable to hover to get a decent pic of anything. I had my flash light, and was and was checking out nooks and crannies, but the surge was just... too swift to stabilize long enough to really get a look at anything.
It is likely, looking back, I think I was exerting myself more than I realized. You guys know how cool it is down there, how easy it is to focus on the environment around you and not how you are physically feeling. Between getting that damn weight belt right and fighting the surge, I was likely getting winded.
S turned us around as the dive wound down. I waited my turn to enter the swim through, the only other diver behind me was the Master in training. Still, I was having a blast. I swam though the huge pipe, and began to ascend the reef on the other side. I tried to grab the "dead coral" to pull myself up and over the reef, but couldn't get to it. Every time I reached out, the surge grabbed me and dragged me up and away. Swimming hard, I would go forward two feet, then get pulled back ten feet.
And suddenly, I was tossed to the surface and all hell broke loose. The Master in training was gone, the Dive Master was gone, I was alone. And breathing way harder than I knew I should be. 2-3 foot waves were washing over me, at some point, I topped a wave and saw the boat looking smaller than it should have been. Somehow, right about now, my camera turned on and began recording. Purely incidental, I had no idea it was recording. The first think I hear on the video is myself, shouting "help!"
And I was panting. Remembering my training, I immediately gave the distress signal, waving my arm, and could see that the third diver master, who had stayed on the boat, saw me (I hoped anyway). I forced myself to stop, rest, catch my breath. But I could not catch my breath. My breathing was SO hard and SO shallow, I couldn't get my breath. I dropped my weight belt, trying to calm myself, "never panic, never panic" I chanted to myself. Suddenly, a diver surfaced in front of me. I said "are you a dive master?" he said no, just a diver.
He told me to inflate my BCD, but by this point, I was disoriented, I couldn't find it. I think the other diver inflated it but don't remember. At this point, my breathing was out of control, I was getting no air, I took my reg out, it didn't help. S suddenly appears as well, inflates my BCD, speaks to the other diver. I remember he said "keep your reg in", I told him I can't breath.
I remember, deep in my head, that I knew I was dieing. "Stay calm, don't struggle, deep slow breaths" I repeated deep in my head over and over again. I recall the other diver trying to push against my feet, while S, the dive master, had my BCD, trying to tow me in.
My video shows he was kicking hard, on his stomach, then having to flip over onto his back, kicking even harder. The waves washed over us. I remember looking over my shoulder, thinking we were near the boat. We were not near the boat, the boat was getting SMALLER. Later, my husband and the other non-diver, who had no idea it was me they were towing, confirmed that we were being pulled out and away from the boat.
In the meantime, the dive master who had stayed on the boat, put on his wet suit and stood watching us. My husband has no idea what he was waiting for, he had a yellow bouy in his hand attached to a thick rope, but took no action.
My video shows from the moment I shouted help and signaled, to the moment I saw that yellow buoy, 15 minutes had passed. The video also shows that we were suddenly being pulled hard and fast through the water, the dive masters kicking slowed, and within 5 minutes or so we were at the boat.
My breathing had gotten faster and even more shallow. I pulled myself on the boat, telling them I couldn't breath, help me, I need air, I need air, and collapsed. Unable to move, onto the deck. I have never been sick a day in my life, I was shocked and terrified that I could not even lift my hand, or move a finger. "Air", "Help", I think I gasped. Someone said "get the oxygen!"
Still laying at the back end of the boat, I was also inhaling exhaust fumes from the motor. "Pull me up, exhaust" I said maybe 3 times. Finally they dragged my away from the exhaust.
Later, my husband told me that the dive master who had finally swum out and pulled us in produced and O2 tank from somewhere. But he couldn't figure out how to attached the mask. I could here the tank clanging, knew it was coming, felt some smidge of relief. But it didn't come. It took almost 5 minutes to get the mask on my face. Someone just stuck it on my face and let go. The mask was not on right, the O2 was flowing up my cheek. I grabbed it and tried to get it on right, and finally got a whiff of the golden oxygen.
Then suddenly they took the damn mask AWAY, I could hear more clanking, I am panting SO HARD, and SO FAST and forcing myself not to pass out. "AIR, HELP" I think I said again. Finally, another mask was stuck on my face. My husband later told me they had put the wrong O2 mask on me and had to switch it out for another one.
But no one positioned it. I grabbed it and moved it around until I got the fricking air that I knew somehow I had to have or I was going to die..
We raced back to shore, I am still gasping but getting air. S said, "it's ok, the nurse will be at the dock when we get there", I remember being relieved. As we approached the dock, S said, "ok, they aren't coming, the nurse isn't coming". Then he said "you're out of air but we are almost there" (the emergency O2 tank ran out of air in less than ten minutes.)
We get to the dock, I was able to climb the steps, they sat me in a golf cart (more exhaust, still panting bad, still can't get air.)
They drove me the 3-4 minutes to the clinic. I am in severe respitory distress. We pull up in front of the clinic. Someone shouts "go around back, that door is broken". We drive around back, and a tiny Asian nurse sits me in a wheel chair, but can't get me over the poor stop (she was about 90 pounds, I am about 5'9, 180).
I reached for the door and pulled myself to my feet (I do not know how), and stumbled into the small clinic. But no one was there. NO one was in the hall, I just kept walking, I said "****, help, please, please help". And some lady in a blue jacket saunters up and takes me into a room, I got on the gurney, they put the O2 mask on.
By now, 40 minutes had passed since I signaled for help. It was a 15 minute boat ride to the dive site. My feet were blue, BP 180/140, O2 at 85 (even after the O2 I got on the boat). One of the nurses shouted, "get the doctor!" They start some sort of breathing treatment along with the O2, and within 5 minutes or so, I took a deep breath and smiled. Pure, unadulterated joy, relief, my mind started working, my head stopped exploding with pain, my breathing slowed and BP dropped down to 140/80, all within about 20 minutes.
Later, I learned that S, our dive master, had stopped the Discovery divers from crossing the reef and diving the wreck because the surge was too bad. Later, when the shop owner spoke to us, S told him the current was "much stronger than I thgout it would be". Later, my husband told me about the dive master on the boat, putting on his wet suit yet waiting more than 10 minutes to get in the water and pull us in. Later, the other non-diver said she was confused why he didn't jump in when it was obvious we were drifting AWAY from the boat.
This all happened just 5 days ago. I have no pre-existing health problems. I am about 40 pounds over weight (but a long distance runner up until about 5 years ago). I lead a far too sedentary lifestyle. I was likely dehydrated and had been drinking the night before. I believe that I experienced what is called "exercise induced bronchospasms (EIB)".
Being out of shape, partying on vacation, being a smoker, being dehydrated before diving, all these factors were and are within my sole control. I am fully responsible for pre-disposing myself to physical limitations that can make diving dangerous. I know that. Being aware of these factors, I only go on shallow dives (this one was 27 feet at its deepest), where the water is calm and clear. I don't take risks, I stay with the group, am careful to check my O2 constantly.
This was my fault. I screwed up and could have died from this. I believe it may have damaged other organs as well, I have been having bad headaches and mild chest pain since this happened (going to doctor tomorrow).
There is no doubt I came very near to death because I did not stay on the boat when the Master said "some current". I felt it in my gut and ignored it. My over-estimation of my physical abilities and failure to listen to my gut came very, very close to killing me.
What I do not understand are the following factors I did not have control over, and am aski1. How did I end up out there alone, whng for thoughts on, are the following questions:
en the Master in training was bringing up the rear?;
1. Why was the emergency O2 so difficult to access, then correctly administer (the hole where the air flows from should be under your nose, not askew on your cheek.)?
2. Is emergency O2 supposed to "run out" in 10 minutes?
Again, these are questions. This was an unforeseeable incident for which responsibility lies directly on my shoulders. I just can't figure this out. I am confused and depressed, doubting myself, devastated really. My head still hurts. The dive staff did everything they could to help me. I just don't understand the "why".
Any thoughts appreciated.
I feel shocky, disoriented, we have been home for two days and still I cannot let this go. I need to talk, de-brief, I feel alone, and stressed and need to talk. And having few other friends who have ever dived, I thought I would ask for your indulgence and allow me to share this incident here.
My husband (non-diver) and I just returned from a 2 week vacation in Eleuthra, Bahamas (2/21/2014). I am a 49 year old attorney from Missouri and essentially a vacation diver, certified, with about 60 dives under my belt. About half of those dives were in Hawaii, the rest off of various islands in the Bahamas. I was certified about 2 years ago.
I have visited this forum hundreds of times over the years for informational purposes. Last night, I joined for emotional reasons. Something really bad happened. I am not sure why. I have always been a strong, capable woman, worked in a trauma center for years, (before going to law school). I took every moment of my PADI training extremely seriously. I have watched and read every account of a scuba accident I could find prior to every dive. Safety is what I specialize in.
But for the last 5 days, I have re-lived this incident a hundred times in my head. I can't sleep, I feel physically weak, I am irritable and angry and shocked and... Just in disbelief that this perfect vacation almost, and I mean seriously almost, ended in my death.
There is no one to blame. I take full responsibility for what happened here. I just cannot figure out the WHY of it. I can't make sense of it, and I am asking for help, here, in doing so. My mental health has taken a big hit, and I have no other experienced divers to de-brief with (I live in Missouri). Any thoughts totally appreciated.
This last Wednesday, February 19, 2014, we went on a one tank wreck dive at Devils Backbone off of Harbor Island, Bahamas. I had already dived a few times during this vacation, and had a blast. It was a 1:00PM dive, there were 3 Dive Masters, and a Master in training on board, all under 30 years old. We had 4 certified divers, including me, and 3-4 discovery divers.
S (head Master) gave us our briefing. He and the Master in training (a pretty girl around 22) would take the certified divers over the reef to the wreck, we would descend and explore, then return through a small swim through (a huge iron pipe about 20 feet across and 15 feet wide). S stated that there would be a little current on the way back, and we should feel free to grab the dead coral to ascend the shallow reef after the swim through if needed.
We swam over the shallow reef and down to the wreck. My videos show the surge tossing us around after we reached the wreck. I had some trouble with my weight belt slipping, and had to fuss with that a bit. I remember being unable to hover to get a decent pic of anything. I had my flash light, and was and was checking out nooks and crannies, but the surge was just... too swift to stabilize long enough to really get a look at anything.
It is likely, looking back, I think I was exerting myself more than I realized. You guys know how cool it is down there, how easy it is to focus on the environment around you and not how you are physically feeling. Between getting that damn weight belt right and fighting the surge, I was likely getting winded.
S turned us around as the dive wound down. I waited my turn to enter the swim through, the only other diver behind me was the Master in training. Still, I was having a blast. I swam though the huge pipe, and began to ascend the reef on the other side. I tried to grab the "dead coral" to pull myself up and over the reef, but couldn't get to it. Every time I reached out, the surge grabbed me and dragged me up and away. Swimming hard, I would go forward two feet, then get pulled back ten feet.
And suddenly, I was tossed to the surface and all hell broke loose. The Master in training was gone, the Dive Master was gone, I was alone. And breathing way harder than I knew I should be. 2-3 foot waves were washing over me, at some point, I topped a wave and saw the boat looking smaller than it should have been. Somehow, right about now, my camera turned on and began recording. Purely incidental, I had no idea it was recording. The first think I hear on the video is myself, shouting "help!"
And I was panting. Remembering my training, I immediately gave the distress signal, waving my arm, and could see that the third diver master, who had stayed on the boat, saw me (I hoped anyway). I forced myself to stop, rest, catch my breath. But I could not catch my breath. My breathing was SO hard and SO shallow, I couldn't get my breath. I dropped my weight belt, trying to calm myself, "never panic, never panic" I chanted to myself. Suddenly, a diver surfaced in front of me. I said "are you a dive master?" he said no, just a diver.
He told me to inflate my BCD, but by this point, I was disoriented, I couldn't find it. I think the other diver inflated it but don't remember. At this point, my breathing was out of control, I was getting no air, I took my reg out, it didn't help. S suddenly appears as well, inflates my BCD, speaks to the other diver. I remember he said "keep your reg in", I told him I can't breath.
I remember, deep in my head, that I knew I was dieing. "Stay calm, don't struggle, deep slow breaths" I repeated deep in my head over and over again. I recall the other diver trying to push against my feet, while S, the dive master, had my BCD, trying to tow me in.
My video shows he was kicking hard, on his stomach, then having to flip over onto his back, kicking even harder. The waves washed over us. I remember looking over my shoulder, thinking we were near the boat. We were not near the boat, the boat was getting SMALLER. Later, my husband and the other non-diver, who had no idea it was me they were towing, confirmed that we were being pulled out and away from the boat.
In the meantime, the dive master who had stayed on the boat, put on his wet suit and stood watching us. My husband has no idea what he was waiting for, he had a yellow bouy in his hand attached to a thick rope, but took no action.
My video shows from the moment I shouted help and signaled, to the moment I saw that yellow buoy, 15 minutes had passed. The video also shows that we were suddenly being pulled hard and fast through the water, the dive masters kicking slowed, and within 5 minutes or so we were at the boat.
My breathing had gotten faster and even more shallow. I pulled myself on the boat, telling them I couldn't breath, help me, I need air, I need air, and collapsed. Unable to move, onto the deck. I have never been sick a day in my life, I was shocked and terrified that I could not even lift my hand, or move a finger. "Air", "Help", I think I gasped. Someone said "get the oxygen!"
Still laying at the back end of the boat, I was also inhaling exhaust fumes from the motor. "Pull me up, exhaust" I said maybe 3 times. Finally they dragged my away from the exhaust.
Later, my husband told me that the dive master who had finally swum out and pulled us in produced and O2 tank from somewhere. But he couldn't figure out how to attached the mask. I could here the tank clanging, knew it was coming, felt some smidge of relief. But it didn't come. It took almost 5 minutes to get the mask on my face. Someone just stuck it on my face and let go. The mask was not on right, the O2 was flowing up my cheek. I grabbed it and tried to get it on right, and finally got a whiff of the golden oxygen.
Then suddenly they took the damn mask AWAY, I could hear more clanking, I am panting SO HARD, and SO FAST and forcing myself not to pass out. "AIR, HELP" I think I said again. Finally, another mask was stuck on my face. My husband later told me they had put the wrong O2 mask on me and had to switch it out for another one.
But no one positioned it. I grabbed it and moved it around until I got the fricking air that I knew somehow I had to have or I was going to die..
We raced back to shore, I am still gasping but getting air. S said, "it's ok, the nurse will be at the dock when we get there", I remember being relieved. As we approached the dock, S said, "ok, they aren't coming, the nurse isn't coming". Then he said "you're out of air but we are almost there" (the emergency O2 tank ran out of air in less than ten minutes.)
We get to the dock, I was able to climb the steps, they sat me in a golf cart (more exhaust, still panting bad, still can't get air.)
They drove me the 3-4 minutes to the clinic. I am in severe respitory distress. We pull up in front of the clinic. Someone shouts "go around back, that door is broken". We drive around back, and a tiny Asian nurse sits me in a wheel chair, but can't get me over the poor stop (she was about 90 pounds, I am about 5'9, 180).
I reached for the door and pulled myself to my feet (I do not know how), and stumbled into the small clinic. But no one was there. NO one was in the hall, I just kept walking, I said "****, help, please, please help". And some lady in a blue jacket saunters up and takes me into a room, I got on the gurney, they put the O2 mask on.
By now, 40 minutes had passed since I signaled for help. It was a 15 minute boat ride to the dive site. My feet were blue, BP 180/140, O2 at 85 (even after the O2 I got on the boat). One of the nurses shouted, "get the doctor!" They start some sort of breathing treatment along with the O2, and within 5 minutes or so, I took a deep breath and smiled. Pure, unadulterated joy, relief, my mind started working, my head stopped exploding with pain, my breathing slowed and BP dropped down to 140/80, all within about 20 minutes.
Later, I learned that S, our dive master, had stopped the Discovery divers from crossing the reef and diving the wreck because the surge was too bad. Later, when the shop owner spoke to us, S told him the current was "much stronger than I thgout it would be". Later, my husband told me about the dive master on the boat, putting on his wet suit yet waiting more than 10 minutes to get in the water and pull us in. Later, the other non-diver said she was confused why he didn't jump in when it was obvious we were drifting AWAY from the boat.
This all happened just 5 days ago. I have no pre-existing health problems. I am about 40 pounds over weight (but a long distance runner up until about 5 years ago). I lead a far too sedentary lifestyle. I was likely dehydrated and had been drinking the night before. I believe that I experienced what is called "exercise induced bronchospasms (EIB)".
Being out of shape, partying on vacation, being a smoker, being dehydrated before diving, all these factors were and are within my sole control. I am fully responsible for pre-disposing myself to physical limitations that can make diving dangerous. I know that. Being aware of these factors, I only go on shallow dives (this one was 27 feet at its deepest), where the water is calm and clear. I don't take risks, I stay with the group, am careful to check my O2 constantly.
This was my fault. I screwed up and could have died from this. I believe it may have damaged other organs as well, I have been having bad headaches and mild chest pain since this happened (going to doctor tomorrow).
There is no doubt I came very near to death because I did not stay on the boat when the Master said "some current". I felt it in my gut and ignored it. My over-estimation of my physical abilities and failure to listen to my gut came very, very close to killing me.
What I do not understand are the following factors I did not have control over, and am aski1. How did I end up out there alone, whng for thoughts on, are the following questions:
en the Master in training was bringing up the rear?;
1. Why was the emergency O2 so difficult to access, then correctly administer (the hole where the air flows from should be under your nose, not askew on your cheek.)?
2. Is emergency O2 supposed to "run out" in 10 minutes?
Again, these are questions. This was an unforeseeable incident for which responsibility lies directly on my shoulders. I just can't figure this out. I am confused and depressed, doubting myself, devastated really. My head still hurts. The dive staff did everything they could to help me. I just don't understand the "why".
Any thoughts appreciated.
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