mxracer19
Contributor
I am required to write an essay for my communications class based around a movie. I chose Open Water, because i know a decent amount about diving and it interests me(plus id never seen the movie and had heard SOO much about it 
) My essay must be turned in before 8am tomorrow via internet, so if you could all just read over it and give me insight? basically yes: im asking for critisizm. to keep your comments structured, I have included the actual grading rubric that my professor will use. while I could get opinions from people in my dorm (and i most likely will), Id like to see the reaction from the dive community, and its quite possible that I might include someones quote in my essay, however I will email you to ask permission should I see something that strikes my fancy. so please, go to town! I Need an A, and im not going to get it cause I convinced myself that my essay was good when it wasnt!
-Matt
The Negative Influence of Open Water on the Dive Community
Often is the case that a less mainstream sport goes unrecognized or even misrepresented through film. Such is the case with the sport of scuba diving, and the release of the movie Open Water.
Open Water is based on the true story of two scuba divers who boarded a boat on a dive trip, were left behind after the boat miscounted the number of divers aboard, and resultantly died. The keyword on the cover of the movie is based. Because the couple did, indeed, die before being rescued, this would lead people to assume the fact that it is impossible for anyone to truly know their entire story from the time they left the dive boat to the time their equipment was recovered. Unfortunately, this makes it very easy for just about anyone with an ounce of creativity to read the police report and produce a movie based on their own imagination.
This is where problems arise. For the most part, the sport of scuba diving is extremely safe. It is usually only when specific guidelines and rules for safety are broken that accidents occur. According to the 2005 NDC Diving Incidents Report, only seventeen fatal incidents occurred in the UK during the 2005 incident year. Four of those cases were solo divers. Most accidents are related to a general incompetence in controlling ones position in the water column (otherwise known as buoyancy control). Some accidents occur due to physical ailments, and many happen on the surface. Very rarely is a person actually left behind to die in an open body of water.
Whether or not director Chris Kentis aimed at scaring the public away from scuba diving is irrelevant. Movies like Open Water give less-recognized sports (i.e. diving) a bad reputation. In such cases, the movie is produced and shown in theaters across the U.S. While many divers would pay to see a movie about diving, people actively involved in the sport make up a relatively small percentage of the total people who viewed this movie. People outside the sport of scuba diving watch this movie and unknowingly label diving as a dangerous sport. Because one diver in Open Water dies of a shark bite wound and the other drowns herself most likely because she would rather not be attacked, people tend to associate scuba diving in the ocean with danger. If you swim in shark-infested waters, you will be eaten alive. While there are shark attacks involving scuba divers, they make up a small percentage of the entire population. According to the ISAF 1998 Shark Attack Summary, only 15.5% of all people attacked by sharks were divers, whereas 69% were surfers.
Some good, however, has come out of the movie Open Water. Dive operators, sensing a more apprehensive new-diver population, are enacting stringent procedures to prevent such accidents from occurring. When diving off the coast of New Jersey, divers are required to be Advanced Open-Water Certified, meaning they must have completed an advanced course. They are also required to have some sort of surface signaling device. More thorough head-counts are practiced. In addition, some boats create passenger manifests. To ensure that no diver is left behind, divers are required to sign in and out before and after the dive, before the boats anchor is hauled.
The director of Open Water, whether knowingly or not, also negatively impacts the image of scuba divers as he attempts to provide foreshadowing for the coming scenes of the movie. In a particular scene, one man on board the dive boat had forgotten his mask on shore, and so was unable to dive. After some time, a pair of divers surface because one woman is having trouble with the pressure on her ears. The man begs to borrow her mask, despite the dive-master on board telling him he cannot go diving without a buddy (his buddy had already gone down in a group of three). The man wildly gathers and dons his gear. The overall appearance he presents to audiences is that divers are a brash group of people who pay good money to be taken out on a boat, and they will dive no matter what. This is entirely false. Divers do pay on average between $50 and $90 for an off-shore boat trip; however, in the dive industry, dive-masters, as well as boat captains are highly respected. In all cases, the crew of the boat has ultimate say in all matters.
In another particular scene, as the male main character pulls his dive knife out of its sheath, the audience can clearly see spots of rust. While there are people that abuse and mistreat their gear, those people generally dont live to dive very long. Members of the dive community are extremely gear, and safety, oriented. This scene falsely portrays divers as irresponsible, with a general carelessness towards their equipment. In a sport where your survival depends 100% on the condition and correct function of the gear one carries into the water, maintenance is crucial - and very rarely overlooked.
Research Essay Rubric
A: Outstanding
Entrance and Exit:
1. Title: informative, interesting, and creative
2. Introduction: prepares readers for focus; avoids repetition of body; shows creativity
3. Thesis: evolves within introduction; clearly states subject and assertion of essay
4. Conclusion: is relevant; avoids repetition of body; is not a new point; contains creative power
Argument:
5. Insight: consistently avoids plot-summary and/or description without a clear point
6. Insight: consistently goes below the surface, beyond the obvious
7. Audience: never offends or alienates a group, even if they might disagree
8. Counter-Arguments: consistently realistic; consistently shows other side when one exists
9. Refutation: consistently shoots down or dilutes other side effectively and respectfully
10. Logic: statements always rely on logic rather than personal morality
Organization:
11. Structure: body follows a pattern; readers could easily outline the essay
12. Topic Sentences: readers clearly and immediately see main point of every paragraph
13. Essay Unity: all statements serve the thesis; no tangents
14. Paragraph Unity: all statements belong in their paragraph
15. Sentence Transitions: no jarring or confusing jumps between sentences
16. Paragraph Transitions: no jarring or confusing jumps between paragraphs; ropes usually used
Development:
17. Specificity: consistently avoids generalizations and broad statements
18. Examples: consistently mentions and discusses relevant, useful examples to support ideas
19. Film References: consistently specific, concise, and useful
20. Analysis: many observations of the film/self go below the surface, beyond the obvious
21. Analysis: So What? question is addressed, resulting in thoughtful insight
22. Relevance: essay contains no filler
23. Exploration: essay addresses issues related to thesis, leaving readers with no significant questions
Source Use:
24. Total Number: includes at least 3 sources [other than film(s)]
25. Validity: all sources are appropriate and relevant; they consistently strengthen the writers point
26. Control: sources never take over a paragraph; writers ideas clearly dominate
27. Synthesis: at least two body paragraphs contain synthesis (at least 2 different sources)
28. Tense: all texts [film(s) and sources] are discussed in present tense always
29. Set-Up: author and authors qualifications are always set up before source information
30. Citations: citations [not required for film(s)] within the essay always exactly follow MLA
31. Works Cited: always exactly follows MLA
Expression:
32. Voice: confident, respectful, and articulate, showing personality that interests readers
33. Clarity: statements and/or phrases never confuse readers, leaving them saying, Huh?
34. Conciseness: consistently avoids wordiness, including ineffective passive verbs
35. Sentence Variety: length/structure of sentences are consistently varied, creating energy and flow
36. Word Choice: is consistently specific and accurate
Grammar/Mechanics:
37. Typos, Missing Words, Spelling Errors, and/or Capitalization Errors: no more than 1
38. Fragments, Comma Splices, and/or Fused Sentences: none
39. Errors in Apostrophes and Indication of Titles: no more than 1
40. Comma Errors: no more than 3
41. Shifts in Verb Tense and/or Person and Number: no more than 1
42. Disagreement in Subject/Verb and/or Pronouns: no more than 1
43. Errors in Semicolons, Colons, Long Dashes, and End Marks: no more than 1
44. Non-Parallel Structures or Dangling Modifiers: no more than 1
) My essay must be turned in before 8am tomorrow via internet, so if you could all just read over it and give me insight? basically yes: im asking for critisizm. to keep your comments structured, I have included the actual grading rubric that my professor will use. while I could get opinions from people in my dorm (and i most likely will), Id like to see the reaction from the dive community, and its quite possible that I might include someones quote in my essay, however I will email you to ask permission should I see something that strikes my fancy. so please, go to town! I Need an A, and im not going to get it cause I convinced myself that my essay was good when it wasnt!-Matt
The Negative Influence of Open Water on the Dive Community
Often is the case that a less mainstream sport goes unrecognized or even misrepresented through film. Such is the case with the sport of scuba diving, and the release of the movie Open Water.
Open Water is based on the true story of two scuba divers who boarded a boat on a dive trip, were left behind after the boat miscounted the number of divers aboard, and resultantly died. The keyword on the cover of the movie is based. Because the couple did, indeed, die before being rescued, this would lead people to assume the fact that it is impossible for anyone to truly know their entire story from the time they left the dive boat to the time their equipment was recovered. Unfortunately, this makes it very easy for just about anyone with an ounce of creativity to read the police report and produce a movie based on their own imagination.
This is where problems arise. For the most part, the sport of scuba diving is extremely safe. It is usually only when specific guidelines and rules for safety are broken that accidents occur. According to the 2005 NDC Diving Incidents Report, only seventeen fatal incidents occurred in the UK during the 2005 incident year. Four of those cases were solo divers. Most accidents are related to a general incompetence in controlling ones position in the water column (otherwise known as buoyancy control). Some accidents occur due to physical ailments, and many happen on the surface. Very rarely is a person actually left behind to die in an open body of water.
Whether or not director Chris Kentis aimed at scaring the public away from scuba diving is irrelevant. Movies like Open Water give less-recognized sports (i.e. diving) a bad reputation. In such cases, the movie is produced and shown in theaters across the U.S. While many divers would pay to see a movie about diving, people actively involved in the sport make up a relatively small percentage of the total people who viewed this movie. People outside the sport of scuba diving watch this movie and unknowingly label diving as a dangerous sport. Because one diver in Open Water dies of a shark bite wound and the other drowns herself most likely because she would rather not be attacked, people tend to associate scuba diving in the ocean with danger. If you swim in shark-infested waters, you will be eaten alive. While there are shark attacks involving scuba divers, they make up a small percentage of the entire population. According to the ISAF 1998 Shark Attack Summary, only 15.5% of all people attacked by sharks were divers, whereas 69% were surfers.
Some good, however, has come out of the movie Open Water. Dive operators, sensing a more apprehensive new-diver population, are enacting stringent procedures to prevent such accidents from occurring. When diving off the coast of New Jersey, divers are required to be Advanced Open-Water Certified, meaning they must have completed an advanced course. They are also required to have some sort of surface signaling device. More thorough head-counts are practiced. In addition, some boats create passenger manifests. To ensure that no diver is left behind, divers are required to sign in and out before and after the dive, before the boats anchor is hauled.
The director of Open Water, whether knowingly or not, also negatively impacts the image of scuba divers as he attempts to provide foreshadowing for the coming scenes of the movie. In a particular scene, one man on board the dive boat had forgotten his mask on shore, and so was unable to dive. After some time, a pair of divers surface because one woman is having trouble with the pressure on her ears. The man begs to borrow her mask, despite the dive-master on board telling him he cannot go diving without a buddy (his buddy had already gone down in a group of three). The man wildly gathers and dons his gear. The overall appearance he presents to audiences is that divers are a brash group of people who pay good money to be taken out on a boat, and they will dive no matter what. This is entirely false. Divers do pay on average between $50 and $90 for an off-shore boat trip; however, in the dive industry, dive-masters, as well as boat captains are highly respected. In all cases, the crew of the boat has ultimate say in all matters.
In another particular scene, as the male main character pulls his dive knife out of its sheath, the audience can clearly see spots of rust. While there are people that abuse and mistreat their gear, those people generally dont live to dive very long. Members of the dive community are extremely gear, and safety, oriented. This scene falsely portrays divers as irresponsible, with a general carelessness towards their equipment. In a sport where your survival depends 100% on the condition and correct function of the gear one carries into the water, maintenance is crucial - and very rarely overlooked.
Research Essay Rubric
A: Outstanding
Entrance and Exit:
1. Title: informative, interesting, and creative
2. Introduction: prepares readers for focus; avoids repetition of body; shows creativity
3. Thesis: evolves within introduction; clearly states subject and assertion of essay
4. Conclusion: is relevant; avoids repetition of body; is not a new point; contains creative power
Argument:
5. Insight: consistently avoids plot-summary and/or description without a clear point
6. Insight: consistently goes below the surface, beyond the obvious
7. Audience: never offends or alienates a group, even if they might disagree
8. Counter-Arguments: consistently realistic; consistently shows other side when one exists
9. Refutation: consistently shoots down or dilutes other side effectively and respectfully
10. Logic: statements always rely on logic rather than personal morality
Organization:
11. Structure: body follows a pattern; readers could easily outline the essay
12. Topic Sentences: readers clearly and immediately see main point of every paragraph
13. Essay Unity: all statements serve the thesis; no tangents
14. Paragraph Unity: all statements belong in their paragraph
15. Sentence Transitions: no jarring or confusing jumps between sentences
16. Paragraph Transitions: no jarring or confusing jumps between paragraphs; ropes usually used
Development:
17. Specificity: consistently avoids generalizations and broad statements
18. Examples: consistently mentions and discusses relevant, useful examples to support ideas
19. Film References: consistently specific, concise, and useful
20. Analysis: many observations of the film/self go below the surface, beyond the obvious
21. Analysis: So What? question is addressed, resulting in thoughtful insight
22. Relevance: essay contains no filler
23. Exploration: essay addresses issues related to thesis, leaving readers with no significant questions
Source Use:
24. Total Number: includes at least 3 sources [other than film(s)]
25. Validity: all sources are appropriate and relevant; they consistently strengthen the writers point
26. Control: sources never take over a paragraph; writers ideas clearly dominate
27. Synthesis: at least two body paragraphs contain synthesis (at least 2 different sources)
28. Tense: all texts [film(s) and sources] are discussed in present tense always
29. Set-Up: author and authors qualifications are always set up before source information
30. Citations: citations [not required for film(s)] within the essay always exactly follow MLA
31. Works Cited: always exactly follows MLA
Expression:
32. Voice: confident, respectful, and articulate, showing personality that interests readers
33. Clarity: statements and/or phrases never confuse readers, leaving them saying, Huh?
34. Conciseness: consistently avoids wordiness, including ineffective passive verbs
35. Sentence Variety: length/structure of sentences are consistently varied, creating energy and flow
36. Word Choice: is consistently specific and accurate
Grammar/Mechanics:
37. Typos, Missing Words, Spelling Errors, and/or Capitalization Errors: no more than 1
38. Fragments, Comma Splices, and/or Fused Sentences: none
39. Errors in Apostrophes and Indication of Titles: no more than 1
40. Comma Errors: no more than 3
41. Shifts in Verb Tense and/or Person and Number: no more than 1
42. Disagreement in Subject/Verb and/or Pronouns: no more than 1
43. Errors in Semicolons, Colons, Long Dashes, and End Marks: no more than 1
44. Non-Parallel Structures or Dangling Modifiers: no more than 1
