Certified and disappointed

[Ben_Ayers]

My wife and I finally completed our final check-out dives yesterday and I had a blast -her not so much. We had a lag of a few months since class/pool sessions and several weeks since the first day of check-outs. She seemed to enjoy most of the pool sessions and the first check dive but hated our final check dives.

Her SAC was the same as mine and I'm a foot taller and 60 lbs heavier than her! On the first check-out day hers was way better than mine.

When we were finished she started crying. The instructor asked if they were tears of joy and she said no "I'm just glad it's over". Told me on the way home she only did this for me.

What a bummer, I was so looking forward to us being dive buddies.

What next? Do I encourage her to keep doing something it seems she really is not comfortable doing? I'm confident that if she put in the time and effort she could become a good, safe, and comfortable diver. But if doing it just for me, I doubt she can give the sport the focus it demands.

What say you?

Thanks,
Ben

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

I say, let her be. She probably Would continue to dive for you. She obviously loves you tremendously. BUT. You love her back and let her off the hook. Being able to be a good safe diver is not a passionate diver. This sport is not for everybody. Seriously. She will appreciate you even more if you let her out gracefully. Go on the vacation. She can shop, or spa, or sightsee, or whatever while you dive. And then get together and share the day and night after. Much better.

 

[Sas]

What next? Do I encourage her to keep doing something it seems she really is not comfortable doing? I'm confident that if she put in the time and effort she could become a good, safe, and comfortable diver. But if doing it just for me, I doubt she can give the sport the focus it demands.

Why was she not comfortable? Did she just not like diving in general? If so I wouldn't bother trying to get her to dive again. If it was something like she had ill-fitting equipment, didn't like the instructor, or something else that is easily fixable, then I would talk to her about it and see if she would give it another go once you've resolved whatever it was that she didn't like about the OW check out dives.

I too have a partner who won't dive, he won't even try diving (he can't swim, dislikes the sea as well as marine life so there is really nothing he would enjoy about diving), would love him to be my dive buddy, but it just won't happen with him! He would only be doing it for me and as I am not big on the whole idea that if you are partners with someone you have to do everything together, I haven't really pushed him to give diving a go. So yea, if she would just be doing it for you, then it is not really a good idea to keep trying to get her to do something she doesn't like. Find another hobby you both enjoy, and then you can dive on other occasions and whilst you are doing that, she can go do something she enjoys.

 

[dkktsunami]

Probably not a good idea to encourage her to do something she is uncomfortable doing. Diving does not require athleticism, strength, or bravery but to dive safely does require a sense of comfort in the water.

 

[leapfrog]

I agree with Zen Diver 100%. She may come back on her own volition. If she's a photography buff, you could get her interested in UW photography. Never push her, it will only have the opposite effect. There was a time in my life when i was playing the field but one lady jumped out of a plane for me and also dived for me although she never became a skydiver or a scuba diver. Guess who I now have had a steady relationship with for over three years? You know what, she always supports me to go on to next higher level. She never gripes about my time under the water or in the air. I make it up to her by doing things she likes (theater, art and so on). That's the best kind of buddy you can have. Enjoy!

 

[Walter]

Ask her what about the check out dives she didn't like. It may be as ZenDiver.3D suspects and diving is not for her, if so, drop it. It's also possible that it was something specific about the check out dives that is easily fixed. Find out the cause.

 

[vladimir]

When we were finished she started crying. The instructor asked if they were tears of joy and she said no "I'm just glad it's over". Told me on the way home she only did this for me.

What a bummer, I was so looking forward to us being dive buddies.

Look at the bright side. Now you have an excuse to take tropical vacations on your own from now on. It worked for me right up until my divorce.

 

[Bob]

My wife and I finally completed our final check-out dives yesterday and I had a blast -her not so much. We had a lag of a few months since class/pool sessions and several weeks since the first day of check-outs. She seemed to enjoy most of the pool sessions and the first check dive but hated our final check dives.

Her SAC was the same as mine and I'm a foot taller and 60 lbs heavier than her! On the first check-out day hers was way better than mine.

When we were finished she started crying. The instructor asked if they were tears of joy and she said no "I'm just glad it's over". Told me on the way home she only did this for me.

What a bummer, I was so looking forward to us being dive buddies.

What next? Do I encourage her to keep doing something it seems she really is not comfortable doing? I'm confident that if she put in the time and effort she could become a good, safe, and comfortable diver. But if doing it just for me, I doubt she can give the sport the focus it demands.

What say you?

Thanks,
Ben

What a shame for you both. If she did it for you, as she said, that means she really didn't want to do it at all. She'll never be comfortable underwater and most likely would be dependant on you while diving. Diving is not for everyone. My wife doesn't dive and has no interest in diving. When we go on trips, she snorkels and plays on the beach while I dive and life is good. My advise to you is not to pressure her. Just let it go. If she's not truly committed, would you want her as a buddy? Someday, she might decide to join in on the fun. It's very important that she makes the decision for herself. It's up to you to totally support her as she works through this, even if you don't appreciate her final decision. almtree: Bob

 

[Garrobo]

Too bad, so sad. Now you'll have to go out on the boat alone while your wifey remains on land, spending all your hard-earned on trinkets, marguaritas and her Latin boy friends. Such is life.

 

[mohave_steve]

Ben,

You are really blessed to have someone who loves you enough to endure something she is so uncomfortable with in order to please you. If I were in your shoes I would certainly try to make diving available to her and include her in some way in your diving activities. Perhaps you may in time find dive circumstances she is comfortable with and may develop her own want to dive?

My wife got the bug while on dive/snorkle trips in Belize. She snorkled while I dove. When we got home she signed up ofr her O/W. Two weeks ago I had the pleasure of our first dives as buddies.

Good luck.