Ian Wigg
Contributor
I had these emailed to me so I thought I'd inflict them on all of you!
Sorry about this!!!
--------------------
A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."
---------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says,
"Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
----------------------
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
----------------------
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
----------------------
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
--------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
----------------------------
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
-----------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've
lost my electron.."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
----------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What! Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
-----------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
but I couldn't find any.
---------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and bet him 50
bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He
said, "No, the steaks are too high."
-----------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when
they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
------------------------------------
A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc..
"It's... um...well... I have five penises," replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
--------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A f sh
Sorry about this!!!
--------------------
A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start
anything."
---------------------
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says,
"Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
----------------------
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
----------------------
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
----------------------
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
--------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
----------------------------
Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
-----------------------------
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've
lost my electron.."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
----------------------------
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What! Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
-----------------------------------
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
but I couldn't find any.
---------------------------------
I went to the butchers the other day and bet him 50
bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He
said, "No, the steaks are too high."
-----------------------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when
they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
------------------------------------
A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc..
"It's... um...well... I have five penises," replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
--------------------------------
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A f sh
