Am I a bad husband?

[PnL]

My wife and I got certified about 6 weeks ago and I've been diving 4 out of the 6 weekends since being certified. My wife hasn't been diving since the certification dives out at Catalina - the only reason is because she is so busy with her graduate program that she has no time. Since she's my buddy (for life and for scuba ) I was wondering if its bad that I have more experience. I believe it is more beneficial, but is it usually a good idea to gain experience/learn at a similar rate?

I've been diving with a friend that I met in my OW class and I've done about a dozen dives with him and there is a certain comfort level reached because you are familar with your buddy's diving habits. This hasn't been accomplished between my wife and I, although I'm sure it will once she has the time to dive with me. So the question is ... am I leaving her behind??

 

[Paco]

I think that you have to make sure that your wife gets in the water soon. There appear to be a lot of divers getting certified that never dive again and it is my opinion that the longer they wait to dive after cert, the less likely that they'll get in the water.

No, I don't think you're a bad husband for diving without her. She will probably be even more comfortable diving with you, knowing that you're more experienced and comfortable in the water. I've never heard anything about buddies learning at the same rate. I don't even think they would if they dove each dive together because we all learn things at different rates anyway.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Starfish]

Having been through the Graduate School routine myself, I can only congratulate you for being a supportive husband: Congratulations!

I'd plan a dive with your wife in the next week or two. Give her some notice so she can get her work done and not feel guilty about it.

As for experience level, here is my story:
My husband was certified for more then 17 years when I took lessons, but he hadn't dove in 10+ years, so we figured we were pretty much starting at the same spot (he had to ditch his horse collar). We have dove together ever since, and HE SAYS that I have developed better skills then he has. So while we have dove the same number of dive since my certification, HE SAYS I'm doing better them him. I didn't beleive him, until I saw a video of us diving together. Anyway, I don't think there is anything wrong with you developing your skills faster then she has. In fact, you will probably be a safer team while she is catching up with you!
The rapport you have with your current buddy will develop between your wife and you as you do dive together.

So have fun and enjoy! And thanks again for being a supportive husband. --Starfish

 

[SA-Diver]

I agree with Paco. Get your wife in the water soon. I have too many friends that qualified and then didn't dive for months. They are just never comfortable in the water.
As far as being more experienced as your wife is concerned - I have a lot more diving experience than my wife having started diving before her, and also having higher qualifications, and it certainly adds to her comfort whilst diving with me.

 

[DameDykker]

It can be very difficult to see your way through taking a whole day out for diving if your very occupied and a new diver. Keep up your zest and keep on diving and I bet your wife is going to join you when she has more time and surplus energy - that is if she liked to dive for her own sake and not just because you though it was a great idea. I'm not saying its the case here but sometimes it is.

Then when she's ready to join you in the great wet then get hold of a good instructor or DM who can repeat the skills with her and generally make sure she's comfortable in the water.

Have fun - both of you!

 

[ScubaScott]

My wife and I were cert. from the same class. When we went for our honeymoon, and had some good dives in Aruba. However, now she claims that she doesn't like the cool waters of Lake Superior. She only been diving once since our honeymoon two years ago. She's invited every weekend, but I quit feeling bad a long time ago.

My wife has obviously lost some interest, or her passion for diving is not a strong as mine - call it what you want. But if your wife is serious about diving, get her out diving as often as you can. Doesn't mean she has to be YOUR buddy either. The worst thing that could happen is her becoming dependant on you, because you got more experience than her. She must be able to perform all the basics OW skills without you helping her, or she may never be able to help herself or someone else.

Are you leaving her behind? - Heck no, just don't forget to let her know that scuba hasn't become the #1 love of your life.........or has it?:boom:

SS

 

[KC_Scubabunny]

Your post sounds like it could have been written by my own husband so I feel qualified to give a little advice.

I have been sidelined from diving by grad school and pregnancy for almost a year now and I admit that it is frustrating because it is something that I love to do but diving is a lifelong sport and not a race to the finish line. There will be plenty of ocean left at the end of both for me to experience and see. Plan a trip soon after her graduation that involves diving as a reward for all her hard work. We are doing that. I graduate in mid-May and we are going to Wreckmania II on May 31st.

My husband has continued to dive during my school commitments and pregnancy because I would never ask him to sit out of something simply because I couldn't do it. That would be punishing both of us. I do appreciate good dive stories and photos when I get the chance and staying connected to diving through this board has been invaluable to keeping me mentally alive and interested in the sport during my hiatus.

If she is out of the water for several months before she gets back in, I recommend she schedule a pool refresher with an instructor or DM to make sure her gear and skills are still sharp before she hits the open water. I plan to do this as soon as I am able after my son is born in December.

Best of luck!
KC_Scubabunny

 

[Baroo]

get her in the drink asap!

 

[mddolson]

ScubaKims asked:"I was wondering if its bad that I have more experience. "

Not nessessarily, it is quite common in dive clubs to partner junior members with more experienced divers, during group dives to show them the ropes and dive with someone who knows the ins and outs of a particular dive sight.

You need to be careful however, and keep in mind that your partner has less experince than you. The fact that you're up to the challenge of a particular dive, does not mean your partner is.

You need to be concious of her/his limitations, and in a personal relationship their feelings (which you obviously are, since you asked this question). You will need to be patient, and considerate of their skill level and experience, as you take her/him on new and more challenging dives.

This is sometimes easier for another person to do (senior diver or instructor) than it is for a living partner, lover, husband , wife etc.

Hope this helps

Mike D
:blfish:

 

[Dee]

I'd like to add.....Just make sure your wife knows she's wlecome to join you and your buddy at any time, whether she dives or not. If she doesn't want to or can't dive for some reason, she may enjoy going with you to enjoy the weather and spend your surface intervals with you.

We have a couple of spouses in our group, one is certified and the other isn't, who come out and enjoy hanging out with us. There's more to the diving community that just getting wet. The spouse that is certified knows she welcome to dive at any time, and she does occasionally, but with no pressure to dive every time, she enjoys the time spent with us more. And the lunches they can spread out while we're in the water is great for everyone! In this way they enjoy their spouses sport and have come to understand why diving is so important to them.