A story I figured you'd all wanna hear

[offroaddiver]

Warning: this is a little long and I hope it's in the right forum.

Today I went by the lds(local dive shop*I'm new and hope this is the right use) to inquire about classes that were coming up. I ran into a guy that looked very familiar but I couldn't place him. I know the owner of the diveshop and he happened to be the only one in there besides my gf and I and this guy. Well I start talking about classes and asking what the conditions were like at the local quarry.

Well I was asking about a wetsuit and asked if he had any used that didn't have any fish teeth marks in em. The old owner before he retired had a wetsuit that a fish bit a chunk out of the seat of his wetsuit. We got a few chuckles and the guy that I was trying to place bought his gear, gave me and the owner one mean look then stormed out.Then it hits me.

The last time I was at the quarry, the guy who looked familiar was there too. This guy was at the next table getting his gear together. He chimed up to the people at his table that he was gonna try and bag a small mouth bass that were stocked in the quarry....by using cheez-whiz. He went into detail about making worns then putting some on his glove and when they bite he'd just pinch then toss them in a mesh bag.

After my dive and enjoying a sandwich and trying to warm up...our hero comes out of the water cussing up a hurricane. "****ing fish!!" "They should drain this place" yada yada yada.... Everyone else in his group come out of the water rolling on their sides laughing.

Here's a little marine biology for people. When fishing if you hold a fish by its lower jaw aka. "liping" a fish it will go into a calm state and not flop around. This is not true underwater.

Getting back to the story...the ****ing fish had bit the thumb off of his glove. Then Mr. Fisherman complains to the owners of the quarry...big mistake. They actually kept a straight face till he left the shop and then they burst out in laughter. Every group at the quarry found out about the fisherman and when they saw him gave him a thumb's up.

Two morals to this story....
1) If you do something stupid don't tell everyone about it....especially the owners.
2) Don't offer anything for fish to eat if you indeed don't want them to eat it.

I kinda felt sorry for the guy at the diveshop today. It's been a while and he had to relieve destroying what was probably a 60$ pair of gloves. What would you have done?
The guy was gone, my girlfriend was standing there with a vague look and the owner and I were trying to figure out what was wrong with the guy. Until I placed the guy's face....

I'll post the story about the retired owner's luck with fish and his old wetsuit later.

Please post your own stories in the mean time.

 

[Don Burke]

**** him. Thats his problem.

Yep

 

[DennisW]

too funny

 

[steelemagnolia6]

I'm pretty sure that the owners of the aforementioned quarry thought that it was hilarious. If this happened over at LochLowMinn I know that Rick and Stacy thought that it was.

No wonder the bass had such an attitude over there last weekend!!!!

 

[offroaddiver]

I'm pretty sure that the owners of the aforementioned quarry thought that it was hilarious. If this happened over at LochLowMinn I know that Rick and Stacy thought that it was.

No wonder the bass had such an attitude over there last weekend!!!!

It indeed was one of those too cool for school divers you see every now and then. This was at loch low minn. Just for anyone's information reading this...Loch low minn is a very nice quarry located near Sweetwater,TN. I'm goin to get my AOW in a few weeks. They have a great setup. I have spent a good amount of money on dive charters and been disappointed. I have dove loch low minn and philadelphia quarry both and have never been disappointed.

Whatever you do....do not hit the bluegills. The old owner's wetsuit(Look at original post) paid the price. The old owner's story is as follows:
He was engaged in a ow class while demonstrating skills and the student repeat them. There was this bluegill that kept swimming around his head and annoying him. Then it started staring him eyeball to fish lips. He would move his hands towards the fish then it would swim away. He'd get back to the instructing and low and hehold the fish would be back trying to communicate with him. This happened several times. He finally got pissed and grabbed his "quest slate" (a !2'' x 7" magnadoodle style slate...rather large) and smacked the fish. He said the fish left him alone for him to finish out the class. All of a sudden he feels a pain in the rear and he lunges towards his class startling the crap out of them.
He gets his bearings and takes the class to the surface. Explains to everyone that he did not intend to scare any of them but indeed felt a pain "a cramp". While taking off his gear he looked at the jacket on his fj/j and noticed a nickel sized hole.

There have been multiple people ask him if he was pulling our legs. He kept that wetsuit till he sold the store. I'm pretty sure he still has it. The way that the fish are in that quarry I believe the man. Plus he trained me above and beyond what most people have ever heard of. If you have taken a peak performance bouyancy and dealt with the pvc shapes and have drug them on the bottom of the pool, you know what i got to do.

To recap:
1) don't hit the fish
2) Expect the unexpected(don't know if you can expect to have a chunk out of your wetsuit, if so you've dove in a fish stocked quarry)

 

[MrConclusion]

What a great story.

I have a pair of clownfish in my aquarium that I inherited from someone because he "couldn't put his hand in the tank" to clean it because the clownfish "bite him all the time." Ha ha ha evil nemo!

 

[ReefGuy]

Mess with aquatic life at your own hazzard. He's lucky it wasn't a puffer .

 

[toodive4]

Yep, people do stupid things while diving. Some really funny, some not so funny and some down right dangerous. Here is a not funny/not so funny and a dangerous.

While diving on a day boat out of Delaware (spearfishing on the shoals,) a gentleman with a pneumatic speargun got in and went to the bottom. A few minutes later he came up cussing and holding his hand. It seems he forgot his block for reloading his speargun, so he decided it was a good idea to pick up a large clam (shell) and try to reload his spear into his gun. Bad Idea. Of course the clam shell cracked and the spear went right through his hand... after wrapping it up he had to wait a couple hours while the rest of us finished our two tank dives. In all our group speared a bunch of flounder, some tautog, a couple of sea bass, dolphins (the fish) and one stinking human.

More on the dangerous side... While getting Hammered (Hammerhead shark diving) down on San Salvador Island Bahamas, a few members of our group thought it might be funny to stuff some breakfast sausage into the BCD pockets of one of our brand new (just certified) fellow female divers. She was the ripe old age of 20. Now mind you we didn't do this with the intention of attracting Hammerheads, we did it because there was a friendly grouper (known as Curious George) that loved breakfast sausage at this dive site. We thought George would hang out around her and give her a good show. What we didn't know was that a 9 foot Great Hammerhead was cruising the area... at a fairly shallow 60 feet for Great Hammerhead.... As he passed our group he made a big looping circle and headed straight for our sausage laden buddy. Straight at her - directly into her chest... then just at the last moment (literally within inches of her chest) he veered off. The resort dive guide was in a panic, banging his tank and waiving for us all to come up (as he would later state - he'd never seen a Hammerhead do that before.) Now I was fascinated that this huge shark was within 10 feet of me and it provided some super photo opps for some of our fellow divers that had cameras on them, but I would think twice before stuffing anything edible into your buddy's bcd... lessons learned without tragedy - thank goodness...

Ken Barrick

Warning: this is a little long and I hope it's in the right forum.

Today I went by the lds(local dive shop*I'm new and hope this is the right use) to inquire about classes that were coming up. I ran into a guy that looked very familiar but I couldn't place him. I know the owner of the diveshop and he happened to be the only one in there besides my gf and I and this guy. Well I start talking about classes and asking what the conditions were like at the local quarry.

Well I was asking about a wetsuit and asked if he had any used that didn't have any fish teeth marks in em. The old owner before he retired had a wetsuit that a fish bit a chunk out of the seat of his wetsuit. We got a few chuckles and the guy that I was trying to place bought his gear, gave me and the owner one mean look then stormed out.Then it hits me.

The last time I was at the quarry, the guy who looked familiar was there too. This guy was at the next table getting his gear together. He chimed up to the people at his table that he was gonna try and bag a small mouth bass that were stocked in the quarry....by using cheez-whiz. He went into detail about making worns then putting some on his glove and when they bite he'd just pinch then toss them in a mesh bag.

After my dive and enjoying a sandwich and trying to warm up...our hero comes out of the water cussing up a hurricane. "****ing fish!!" "They should drain this place" yada yada yada.... Everyone else in his group come out of the water rolling on their sides laughing.

Here's a little marine biology for people. When fishing if you hold a fish by its lower jaw aka. "liping" a fish it will go into a calm state and not flop around. This is not true underwater.

Getting back to the story...the ****ing fish had bit the thumb off of his glove. Then Mr. Fisherman complains to the owners of the quarry...big mistake. They actually kept a straight face till he left the shop and then they burst out in laughter. Every group at the quarry found out about the fisherman and when they saw him gave him a thumb's up.

Two morals to this story....
1) If you do something stupid don't tell everyone about it....especially the owners.
2) Don't offer anything for fish to eat if you indeed don't want them to eat it.

I kinda felt sorry for the guy at the diveshop today. It's been a while and he had to relieve destroying what was probably a 60$ pair of gloves. What would you have done?
The guy was gone, my girlfriend was standing there with a vague look and the owner and I were trying to figure out what was wrong with the guy. Until I placed the guy's face....

I'll post the story about the retired owner's luck with fish and his old wetsuit later.

Please post your own stories in the mean time.

 

[plainsong]

Keep the stories coming, guys! I love reading them. They're funny and educational at the same time.

 

[offroaddiver]

The most recent boat charter I was on, the most memorable group was an instructor with the BCD I want. I asked him about it and so on. He was talking to me and I found out that his students were a father who was in his own words "very experienced...I have over 50 dives under my belt" and his daughter.

When we reach the barge wreck, the boat's DM jumped into the water to secure a line down to the wreck since the current was pretty strong. The father of the group jumps into the water to check his bouyancy. The DM was on the bottom taking a look at the wreck (he had a com with the boat). He gave the all clear. The father goes face first down, then we see his fins swimming on the surface...quite funny. Then we hear cussing and screaming on the radio.

The father gets out of the water and says "I had to scrap the dive I'm too bouyant and burned my tank dry trying to get down." I'm still trying to get my gear situated and getting in line to jump in the water.

A few moments later the DM surfaces still cussing up a storm. He get on the boat and asks the father " Are these yours?" He was holding 5 soft lead bags. The father not missing a beat checks his bc and then chimes "I knew I was having troubles getting down." I jump in the water laughing and couldn't stop laughing and burn through my tank and then resurface and get back on the boat. I'm crying from laughing so hard when I notice that the boat's DM now has a mean look on his face and ice on his head.

I sit in my spot trying not to laugh. The instructor surfaces and asks the father what happened. The DM chimes in on the father's story. The water is a bit rough from a storm out in the sea. The instructor is laughing and holding his stomach and falls over the side of the boat. The daughter being emberassed says nothing just sits there. We get the instructor back in the boat and then get the now surfaced divers in the boat.

The second dive goes without a hitch for me. However not so well for the instructor's group. The daughter is now seasick. The father pusses her into finishing the final dive. It's a beautiful reef so I think it did her some good not to be moving in the boat. I am with the assigned dive buddies and our dive is great.

When I get back to the boat, I get back on the boat and dig out my dramamine for the daughter of the other group. I find some tylennol that I had forgotten about and give it to the DM. The other group comes up and the girl is first in the boat. Everyone on the boat congratulate the daughter on certifying. I forget about the dramamine until she smiles then leans over the side of the boat....you all should know what happened. I give her the dramamine and the boat's captain gives her some cold water and gives everyone time to secure their gear.

The father changes into dry clothes and the daughter is now smiling and talking to everyone else. The father offers me 20$ for the dramamine but I tell him he gave me a good laugh earlier and not to worry about it. We get to the dock and I help the DM who is still feeling better dock the boat.

The father grabs his dive gear and loads everything but his weights. I'm now on the dock tipping the DM the rest of my tylennol and some beer money. While he is helping me load the tanks into my car, we hear a couple of small splashes then a big splash then around 40 people bursting out laughing.

The father went back to get his weights which were all in a weight bag( around 50lbs of weight from him and his daughter plus spare I suppose). The bag's bottom rips dumping the weights over onto the dock and into the water. The father who was then off balance because of a sudden change in the weight falls into the open slip on the other side. I have had all the laughter I could stand at this point and the DM and I get the poor guy out of the water. The captain comes running from the office with a towel for the man. The father now pissed off, wet and emberassed tells the DM and captain that their tip is the weights. The instructor and the father and daughter then leave quickly.The captain looks at me and I give him some beer money and help them get the weights.

The other day at the lds I priced the weights the father lost. He gave them a really nice tip...around 250$ worth of lead shot if my memory doesn't fail me.

Secure your weights in your weight belt.
Watch your tempers.
Don't put all your weights in one bag.

I'm still chuckling right now