Time to get philosophical.
2008 was a lousy year for me. In November of 2007 something happened that really rained on my parade.
At the time I was running 13 (count 'em) 13 projects simultaneously, some of which were low maintenance but a few of which were "trouble" cases in one sense or another. I like trouble shooting but like any other drug it should be taken in moderation...
One project in particular was a very public issue that was getting a *lot* of (negative) press and lot of heat right to the highest levels of government. They were even debating it in the lower house.... Fortunately I was running a part of the project that wasn't critical (on the front line) but if you play this game in real life you'll know that the guys on the front line try their best to delegate the heat....and our team spent most of the year playing "deflection"..... a difficult mental game similar to chess. I saw the project manager who *was* on the front line age 10 years in 10 months.... it was really a "detonation" more than a project at one point...
One of those projects involved "mediation" -- basically relationship therapy without the easy way out.... The issue wasn't ground shaking but laying 10 years of guerilla warfare between the parties in question to rest wasn't going to be easy and it was causing a lot of stress on me personally....
And one of my projects was a job that had previously been declared "impossible". I took it as a challenge to "wash that pig" as the Dutch would say and it turned out to be possible but put a lot of stress on one of my guys....
.... and he folded
.... died of a heart attack, in fact.
.... while he was working on my project.
.... on Sunday afternoon.
Not long after that the stress of the insanity I was caught up in started to catch up to me too.... and I developed a heart arrhythmia.
It laid me flat for 3 months. No diving. No running (my other "hobby"). No working. No nothing.
The next 6 months after that I went though a sort of "burn out" and "depression" and my hair/beard started turning pretty grey (see profile pic a couple of months old), which kicked off a mid-life crisis to boot..... It took a lot of work to get through that and I'm still getting through that.....
The other thing that happened in 2008 that really redefined my thinking was the accident. My dive team saved a man's life but it was the second time in a year that life and death -- here and now -- a major theme was in my life....
All this has really cracked me down to the foundations. I'll write another time about what I'm doing about it but suffice it for this moment to say that 2008 blew HARD. That's also the reason that I wasn't on scubaboard for most of the year.
Which brings me to 2009. I still can't say that I'm really feeling clear in my head yet but I'm feeling a lot more positive about 2009 than I was about 2008. My desire to work has returned. My desire to dive has returned. I've recently done some scuba courses and certified 15 people in the last few months, I made a trip to Egypt and did 22 dives there too, I've started running again and I'll be doing my first "race" in March, I've shaved off my beard so at least I don't "look" as old as I feel and all in all I see things going "up" in 2009 and I'm thankful for that.
I've had some really great support from friends and from my wife this last year too. What a blessing that has been. Without these people in my life dragging me through 2008 one day at a time I don't know where I would be right now.
So do I have a new year's resolution? yes. My resolution is to live life in the "here and now". No more living toward a future that you chase like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Right here.... right now.... that's all that matters. Not one day at a time.... not one minute at a time but one second at a time. Ultimately life unfolds one second at a time so why not be mindful of that and enjoy it as we go....
R..
And you? What will 2009 bring for you?
2008 was a lousy year for me. In November of 2007 something happened that really rained on my parade.
At the time I was running 13 (count 'em) 13 projects simultaneously, some of which were low maintenance but a few of which were "trouble" cases in one sense or another. I like trouble shooting but like any other drug it should be taken in moderation...
One project in particular was a very public issue that was getting a *lot* of (negative) press and lot of heat right to the highest levels of government. They were even debating it in the lower house.... Fortunately I was running a part of the project that wasn't critical (on the front line) but if you play this game in real life you'll know that the guys on the front line try their best to delegate the heat....and our team spent most of the year playing "deflection"..... a difficult mental game similar to chess. I saw the project manager who *was* on the front line age 10 years in 10 months.... it was really a "detonation" more than a project at one point...
One of those projects involved "mediation" -- basically relationship therapy without the easy way out.... The issue wasn't ground shaking but laying 10 years of guerilla warfare between the parties in question to rest wasn't going to be easy and it was causing a lot of stress on me personally....
And one of my projects was a job that had previously been declared "impossible". I took it as a challenge to "wash that pig" as the Dutch would say and it turned out to be possible but put a lot of stress on one of my guys....
.... and he folded
.... died of a heart attack, in fact.
.... while he was working on my project.
.... on Sunday afternoon.
Not long after that the stress of the insanity I was caught up in started to catch up to me too.... and I developed a heart arrhythmia.
It laid me flat for 3 months. No diving. No running (my other "hobby"). No working. No nothing.
The next 6 months after that I went though a sort of "burn out" and "depression" and my hair/beard started turning pretty grey (see profile pic a couple of months old), which kicked off a mid-life crisis to boot..... It took a lot of work to get through that and I'm still getting through that.....
The other thing that happened in 2008 that really redefined my thinking was the accident. My dive team saved a man's life but it was the second time in a year that life and death -- here and now -- a major theme was in my life....
All this has really cracked me down to the foundations. I'll write another time about what I'm doing about it but suffice it for this moment to say that 2008 blew HARD. That's also the reason that I wasn't on scubaboard for most of the year.
Which brings me to 2009. I still can't say that I'm really feeling clear in my head yet but I'm feeling a lot more positive about 2009 than I was about 2008. My desire to work has returned. My desire to dive has returned. I've recently done some scuba courses and certified 15 people in the last few months, I made a trip to Egypt and did 22 dives there too, I've started running again and I'll be doing my first "race" in March, I've shaved off my beard so at least I don't "look" as old as I feel and all in all I see things going "up" in 2009 and I'm thankful for that.
I've had some really great support from friends and from my wife this last year too. What a blessing that has been. Without these people in my life dragging me through 2008 one day at a time I don't know where I would be right now.
So do I have a new year's resolution? yes. My resolution is to live life in the "here and now". No more living toward a future that you chase like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Right here.... right now.... that's all that matters. Not one day at a time.... not one minute at a time but one second at a time. Ultimately life unfolds one second at a time so why not be mindful of that and enjoy it as we go....
R..
And you? What will 2009 bring for you?
