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You correctly identified the root cause though...panic. It's the killer and you always need to guard against it. There's almost always and answer before making a bolt for the surface (I say this having experienced it as well).

If they are dive nuts, then yeah, I can see AKR. The do make it pretty easy!

Having been to Bonaire and just returned from AKR this week, I'd have to lean toward Bonaire, but it depends on how crazy your kids are on diving. You have junior divers, so I think Bonaire will have the better <60' diving options, although certainly Roatan has plenty. But AKR is very dive...