Satire on a thousand ways to die

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My first reg was a mares axis, after we bought it, ( some people at the shop started saying how bad they where.)
The second stage seat some how would turn and back off, causing it to slowly start free flowing,,, there was an updated seat after that its been an awesome reg,
Never lets me down, and breathes excellent.
Its my backup and stage regulator
 
The first episode is out. The series is not actually the way that I thought it would come out. A lot of these situations have actually resulted in accidents. So, I am including both serious and non-serious subjects. Please subscribe if you like this series.

 
Automatic BCs, like the Dacor with up and down push buttons and the similar Aqualung I3 systems?
Swimming or diving after eating because you will get a stomach cramps?
J Valves? Anyone?

As to CO2 inflators, regardless of what Nemrod Inc. thought as to their use, myself having taken multiple scuba courses of various sorts before there were BCs in common use, nobody then advised to my recollection using the CO2 cartridge for an emergency ascent. The Mae West type vest we used (if at all) did not have a dump valve so the cartridge was sized for near full inflation on the surface, not underwater. Pulling the cord at depth resulted in an anemic little bubble of CO2 that would hardly send anyone rocketing to the surface. But since there was no dump valve there was no (easy) way to vent the expanding gas when you did begin an ascent it was generally thought not a good idea.

So, being a barely not a teen and being inquisitive as children might be, I set my Mae West CO2 cartridge off at depth just to see what might happen :wink:. Bought at an army surplus for $4, at around 80 feet on about Amberjack Rocks near Destin solo diving on my check out. Pop, psstt, not much. But, cool, I am no longer over weighted and bottom crawling:). But when it came time to ascend because my J valve went on at 300 psi I began my 60 fpm ascent following my bubbles. At about 40 feet I noted an increase in my rate of ascent precluding a deep stop and in a moment of genius I grabbed for my BAK that was stuck through the side of my swimsuit because the leg straps had rotted off and everybody knows that is dangerous (BAK also known as a BFK but the nuns did not allow me to use that word). It was a one foot long USD Grisbe so sharp my father could shave his Marine Corps whiskers with it and I stabbed the ballooning Mae West slicing it open and venting the expanding CO2. I cut my arm in the process and bleeding profusely I had to fight off a couple of bull sharks and a 14 feet long hammerhead and the Grisbe did me proud slicing those sharks up into fillets. Of course I blew through my safety stop which nobody did yet and now I was on the surface and down current of the tag line! But unlike the vast majority of divers today, I was an accomplished and competition swimmer and I was wearing a Speedo swimsuit so I was very low drag and streamlined :wink:! And being completely on empty now because my pre-SB Calypso regulator could not produce air from an empty tank, I popped my mask upon my forehead where it belongs to this day and began swimming to the boat. I did not drop my weights because my instructor said he would fuss at me if I did because they were expensive and worth more than my scrawny axx was and being as I had already dropped my chunks of black coral ballast I was able to make it to the tag line. And yet I did not die. Turns out, though, I am hard to kill, YRMV :wink:.

Nemrod
 
The first episode is out. The series is not actually the way that I thought it would come out. A lot of these situations have actually resulted in accidents. So, I am including both serious and non-serious subjects. Please subscribe if you like this series.


Edited*
Look forward to seeing more of this. Although as you state in the video, sadly alot of these accident reports are always so shoddy..
 
these are just some I picked up from being on the board for some years:

I am now convinced all of the things below will cause instantaneous death, or slow agony followed by death if used, so beware!

-using carabiners or suicide clips
-Bungeed wings
-using reverse doubles
-using a secondary donate setup
-left lean, rich right
-diving below 90 feet on air
-anything related to poseidon regulators (I can't recount how many times gue and other dir-agency instructors have told me my cyklons are upstream and WILL kill me)
-diving without an isolator manifold
-rock boots
-using anything else than jet fins
-Toddy's sidemount system
-UTD's sidemount system with the manifold
-sidemounting heavy steel tanks
-sidemounting anything else than 80cuft aluminium or 12l light steels
-using rubber mask straps
-neoprene drysuits
-using full face masks
-having multiple wing dumps
-having multiple shoulder d-rings
-having a d-ring on your right hip
-using short 12liter steels or twin 7l tanks
-diving with a console (extra dangerous if it has compass AND depth gauge)
-Wearing your dive computer on the left side and the compass on the right.
-Using a gf lo above 40
-Using an RGBM based dive computer
-Suunto products except the compass (instant death assured)
-300 bar tanks
-Carbon tanks
-tank boots
-aluminium spools
-keeping spools and reel connected
-using ratchet reels
-using a conventional reel instead of a sidewinder reel in a cave
-allowing any slack on the line under any circumstance
-wearing a knife around your calf
-having a big knife
-using retractors for your lights or compass
-using a slate instead of wetnotes
-using a soft goodman handle
-not using a goodman handle on your main light (or even a pistol grip if you want to be extra bold).
-Mares regulators (these will cause instant death)
-single cell wing or jacket bladders
-Fenzy's
-Double hose regulators
-Non balanced regulators
-Disrespecting scubapro mk5 regulators (same goes for Atomic, beware, you are threading on sacred grounds)
-


I've always thought of maybe trying to put together an ultimate 'triggering' scuba setup. Just to grind peoples gears.
That would be an interesting exercise to do :) .
No wonder my wife left. It turns out I have died 27 times so far. Strange thing though, not once have I seen the light at the end of a tunnel?
 
In case anyone does not know yet, I have uploaded episodes 2 and 3 to our YouTube channel. #2 is on yummy yellow and #3 is on redundant bcd bladders. Please subscribe if you find these interesting or entertaining.

 
In case anyone does not know yet, I have uploaded episodes 2 and 3 to our YouTube channel. #2 is on yummy yellow and #3 is on redundant bcd bladders. Please subscribe if you find these interesting or entertaining.

Interesting. The one option for redundant buoyancy that you skipped was ditchable lead. The likelihood of a runway buoyant ascent with a DSMB or lift bag (especially if you are clipped onto it seems very high). My wetsuit rig is set up so I could, if absolutely necessary, ditch increments of lead (two weight pouches and a weight belt).
 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/teric/

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