Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
- Thread starter sandshaker
- Start date
Please register or login
Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.
Benefits of registering include
- Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
- A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
- You can make this box go away
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and preceded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. Boudreaux's first assignment was in a military induction center.
Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.
This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge. The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.
Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If you has da normal GI insurance an' you goes to Afghanistan an' gets youself killed, da government pays you beneficiary $20,000. If you takes out da supplemental insurans, which cost you only t'irty dollars a mons, den da governmen' gots ta pay you beneficiary $200,000!"
"Now," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first ?"
Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.
This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge. The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.
Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If you has da normal GI insurance an' you goes to Afghanistan an' gets youself killed, da government pays you beneficiary $20,000. If you takes out da supplemental insurans, which cost you only t'irty dollars a mons, den da governmen' gots ta pay you beneficiary $200,000!"
"Now," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first ?"
mobeeno
Contributor
pidgiepoo
Contributor
A friend told the blond: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blonds find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
========================================
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
========================================
A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
=======================================
A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
=========================================
A blond guy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
=========================================
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
==============================================
A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
==========================================
A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
"Here boy!" she replies.
======================================================
A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
==========================================
(This one actually makes sense...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
=======================================================
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blonds find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
========================================
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
========================================
A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
=======================================
A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". The blonde says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
=========================================
A blond guy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
=========================================
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
==============================================
A blonde was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
==========================================
A blonde's dog goes missing and she is frantic. Her husband says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
"Here boy!" she replies.
======================================================
A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
==========================================
(This one actually makes sense...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
=======================================================
technicalbeast
Contributor
HAVE ANNOYING KIDS WATCH THIS<<<<<<<<<Funniest Commercial Ever - YouTube
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Afternoon sex
> The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old
> son in theapartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to
report ofall the neighborhood activities.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!
After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out,
"How do you know they're having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
> The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old
> son in theapartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to
report ofall the neighborhood activities.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"An ambulance just drove by!"
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike!
"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"
"Jason is on his skate board!
After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed.
Dad cautiously called out,
"How do you know they're having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."
pidgiepoo
Contributor
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2:00 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."
Mark Derail
Contributor
Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye !
Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye !
Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye !
Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye !
Chloe saying "bye" at the Copley Place Mall - YouTube
Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye !
Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye !
Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye ! Bye !
Chloe saying "bye" at the Copley Place Mall - YouTube
Similar threads
