Want to spend a week or three on Roatan? Stop reading now.
Want to move to paradise as a resident? Read on....
....Gonna put tons of locals out of business. Ain't really gonna help the economy. Another spike in the heart of paradise. Greed kills!
Ok, so tourists will be able to find little nit naks that were not available before this giant moved in, so what? If you want the USA, stay the hell there, do not come to paradise and hope it changes.
This is very upsetting, I may have to look for another island to move to.
Your not serious are you? look at the date TJ posted that stuff, it was
APRIL 1st
Did I mention that it would be good to go and live there (or any island that you were thinking about) for 6 months?
Featured also on idyllic Roatan is (no bull here- you can't make up stuff this crazy):
A Ferris Wheel (right in front of the casino- not the 1st one ever opened on the island which was what? 35 years ago? Long gone.)
A 4 place Dopplemayer Ski Chairlift to carry people from the cruise ship dock to the beach
2 competing radio stations that are owned by the two competing grocery stores that have as their only sponsors the two business families who own them. They feature the same awful music for most of the day.
The "strip club" is long ago gone... for now. It had the original sounding name of "Tony Montana's". even the Disney company couldn't touch them in Roatan... they had a
topless Little Mermaid on their quaint little billboard.
The first "original idea" that has somehow not yet died: Naming a resort "Fantasy Island". They should'a hired a midget.
You can ride up and down the Southern coast ship-board on the original sounding name of "The Black Pearl", a chugging hull of a shrimp boat converted to look like a parody of a sailing ship without the annoying cloth sails. Lovely. Arghhh, me hearties.
You want "little
nit naks"... Locally made crap to take home to Aunt Alice who is dog sitting for you? There are none. It is all Guatemalan import... with very very very few exceptions.
You like golf? Tee one up and watch the beautiful green grass grow where it shouldn't be- courtesy of irrigation and chemicals. Watch the reef degrade on the North side now.
A dubious electrical power system that is wholly dependent upon shipped-in Diesel fuel deliveries, a generator staying running, and power poles that are termite food. Locals enjoy smashing into these poles after leaving exceptionally crappy road surfaces, never even hesitating with the fear of essentially no emergency services whatsoever. It's a jolly sport also embraced by dumbass visitors, as well.
The myriad of dive-ops that pop up and claim that they are all things to all people. Same for resorts- more and more seem to offer everything from 5 Star experiences with the bestest Scuba Diving on the island. Or the same old tired resorts (and tar papered shack, scary asst dive ops) that never ever quite get it together.
A moneyed class that was so concerned for the West End merchants and the several-times-a-week deluge of pod people (cruise shippers) that they built a private enclave that most pod people never manage to waddle out therefrom.
If you really do decide
to live there... you enter a different class entirely.
Residents are fair game for the loosely applied rules of the traffic police. You get to enjoy the experience of
trying to find where to pay fees, fines, taxes, and bills because of your residence status.
Shopping for food as a resident? You have to cultivate a strong prey mentality after awhile.
Hmm, Maude, the beef doesn't look quite so runny this week. Shall we buy some? If something sells out too fast- it will likely not be re-stocked. Why? Because it sold out too fast. (If you accept that as reasonable- you have passed Step #1)
This is a country that carries paper money, called Lempiras. They still carry 1 Lempira notes, worth $.05 US... that's 5¢. They will make change for their One Lempira note down to the penny, that is 1/100th of a Lempira. What 1% of 5 Cents amounts to... escapes my mathematical abilities. Yes- they do have Honduran Pennies.
Many people fret over this-that-and-the-other-thing
when considering a vacation in paradise (or in this case... Roatan). The people that worry about
conditions they will endure in their one week vacation are victims of internet think. They are better off diving at the Columbus Aquarium, Las Vegas Shark Dive or possibly Cayman. (but only if they are real risk takers)
People that want to move away from it all- to escape the North American influence, there isn't much left in the Caribbean to set foot upon and not hear Satellite TV blaring with MTV2. This stuff you feel you are trying to escape from is everywhere, kind of like Lionfish. Oprah doesn't go to any island you've ever heard of, she buys her own country. You'll have to settle for a percentage of an acre that has electric power lines and cell phone service.
Roatan is essentially becoming a Southern county of Texas.
