Divemaster touching me

[redacted]

What is it you want from the dive shop? No doubt, the dive shop would just like this to go away.

What do you plan on doing?

 

[SteveAD]

Hmmmmm. Reverse the sexes and see what kind of responses you get.

This is a ridiculous position. While it is somewhat more likely that a man would welcome the attention of a woman, if the attention is unwanted the gender is irrelevant. I would fire the female instructor who gropes a male client just as quick as the male who gopes a female, or either same gender combination. Unwelcome is unwelcome.

 

[HatchetJoe]

I think he was teasing you and trying to comfort you. In your eyes yiou saw it as molestation. My impression is that you should have ulled away when he took you hand and this would have sent a clear message. Remember there are cultural differences involved and you were in his home turf. I think it is unclear to the third party(me) whether there was or was not any malevolant intent. I would not and cannot render an opinion based on the facts rendered.

I do know from my experience in many trips down there that I have never come across ANY DMs who in my opinion would do anything to endanger their livelyhood or the tourist industry in Cozumel. Again it think if you had pulled your hand away in the beginning all would have been clear and a message would have been sent. Hindsight is always 20/20 and our standards of conduct being applied to foreigners is always difficult.

Sorry to hold a contrary position, but I learned long ago to keep an open mind and that there are two sides to every story. I don't want my rsponse construed as defending the DM.

 

[waaterpal]

The different responses to my post are fascinating to me. As a school administrator for over twenty years (female) I have been trained in sexual harassment and sexual abuse numerous times. The DM was abusing his position and touching me very inappropriately. Period. I am disapppointed in my reaction at the time and can relate to the denial I have heard in others over the years. Poor conditioning as a female to let the man be in charge in a situtation where I felt inadequate and vulneralble. To be clear, the first dive was the hand-holding. The second dive was the touching, brushing, head massaging, etc. I see now that the first dive was to se how I would respond. All I said to him, trying to joke it off but also to let him know that I noticed (duh) was :What? Did you think that you would lose me you had to hold on to me??"

I don't have to prove to any other posters what happened. This is not something to be trivial about. I understand the seriousness of the incident. No, it was not cultural. Abuse is abuse. Thanks again.

 

[Arizona]

Well put! His position of being DM put in him a role to accomplish this harassment. Your reaction at the time is not the issue IMO. Of course there are two sides, and we can only comment on what you offer.

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

Okay. This is just my opinion, so take it as you will. As a DM, he is supposed to uphold a standard of professionalism. What you have told us is sexual harrassment and molestation. I understand that you were alone and unsure of protocol, but you said that you are a 53 woman with 50 dives. You know better than this. You allowed him to complete the first dive, then on the surface interval to say that you were his girlfriend underwater, Then you went for a second dive..... At no time did you ever voice complaint or cry foul? Then, while he was definitely deserving of losing his DM status and job, you must take responsibility for allowing the behavior.
You were a victim for a portion of the 1st dive, but you chose to continue with it. Why complain this late, and not at the time? I am not trying to blame you for the problem, but you allowed it and let it continue. That, you must own.

 

[tiggrr]

..... edited by Almitywife as post has been deleted.....

That's pretty f'd up. That is truely at the top of A-hole posts.


What if this had happened to your wife/mother/daughter?

 

[Diver0001]

Question - women - has this ever happened to you?
Just how common is unsolicited physical contact from a DM?

As an instructor it's common for me to crawl right inside someone's personal space while giving lessons. Examples of what I commonly do (within cultural norms):

Approach them under water to a physical distance much closer than you would do on land. This is often necessary to be where you need to be when/if something happens.

Hold eye contact more intensively and for longer than you would on land (men and women)

Put my hand on their shoulders, squeeze their arm or "pat" them on the chest (men only) to help them remain calm

Hold them by the shoulders and shake them as a compliment for working through a major comfort issue.

It could be that your DM was trying to do something like this but it didn't translate through cultural norms...??? just a thought.

R..

 

[psychocabbage]

You people also need to think about the difference in cultures..


Sure some of his actions are a bit over the top, but its funny how people want to impose our ways of retribution on them.

To the OP.. You are 53. Maybe this guy was working his tip by making you feel like someone out there cared for you. Ya know? (sure you may be married and whatnot, but out there, you two were alone.)

I am sure this guy only wanted his tip. If you wished, you could let go of his hand but you chose not to. Why? Because perhaps you are not yet that comfy underwater. You wish to think that if you upset this guy, out in the water, alone, he would do something unthinkable?!!? Geesh.. Thats my rep.. not his..



Get over yourself. Sure, follow up on this.. Maybe get an appology from the guy.. but to want to take his job? some of you are way out of line.

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

The different responses to my post are fascinating to me. As a school administrator for over twenty years (female) I have been trained in sexual harassment and sexual abuse numerous times. The DM was abusing his position and touching me very inappropriately. Period. I am disapppointed in my reaction at the time and can relate to the denial I have heard in others over the years. Poor conditioning as a female to let the man be in charge in a situtation where I felt inadequate and vulneralble. To be clear, the first dive was the hand-holding. The second dive was the touching, brushing, head massaging, etc. I see now that the first dive was to se how I would respond. All I said to him, trying to joke it off but also to let him know that I noticed (duh) was :What? Did you think that you would lose me you had to hold on to me??"

I don't have to prove to any other posters what happened. This is not something to be trivial about. I understand the seriousness of the incident. No, it was not cultural. Abuse is abuse. Thanks again.

The DM's position was not one of authority over you. You were not in a course, and he had no power over you. you were the paying customer and he was the dive guide. You were the boss in this instance. He could not affect your job or livelyhood. You were in control of his job and the amount of money he made. He was clearly out of line. You were not in a subservient position though, and should have exersized your rights.
As a woman in this industry, I have been the minority for years. I have been through all training and am an instructor. I am almost always the lone woman on dive boats and in classes, whether as student or teacher. You have to be an independent, intelligent woman in all places. I have never had any problems that weren't easily handled by being very clear immediately. Firm and clear always works.
Now, you had a bad experience, and you handled it badly. I hope that it has not turned you off of diving or travel, but that it will help you handle yourself and others in the future. I hope this makes you stronger. Good luck.